The number 1 sexual problem for 97% of the people is frequency. Either they complain they have to do it too much or they never have sex or they lack a sexual partner. I am asked if Tantra is beneficial to single people and or those not having sex with their partners and I have to say yes it is. I became interested in Tantra through a partner and I would have loved to have had more time to explore with him, but it didn’t happen. However, I continued to learn about Tantra and yoga and mediation and while it is nice to have someone to walk with you on your spiritual path it is okay to do it alone. And the same goes for sex.
One way I have learned to walk my solo my path is to bring more pleasure into my life in all areas. I focus on only having things in my life that truly bring me joy and pleasure. I use this philosophy in everything I do. I do not buy or eat food I do not enjoy. I do not do exercises I hate. I choose exercises I enjoy and bring me happiness. I like yoga so I do yoga. I like hiking. One of the things that makes me the happiest during the day is going to one of my hiking trails with my two young dogs and hiking. I love to watch them. They are so filled with joy and they are such beautiful creatures that just watching them makes me happy. I look forward to that experience every day. Much like I used to look forward to having sex with my husband every day when I was young. If I had a husband now or a lover I would want to have sex everyday or some form of physical intimacy. It would be a source of great conflict if he didn’t have the same level of sexual desire. I hear that frustration with some of my clients and I understand it. It is an area that requires delicate communication skills and the ability to have compassion and empathy for the other person.
It has been my experience that most people men and women enjoy good sex. When there is a lack of frequency it is usually because of conflict in the overall relationship, stress and overwork and being over tired or poor health. I do know that it is not healthy for a relationship to be sexless or have very little sex because it breeds too much resentment. A relationship has to find balance. Two people have to find a way to meet each others needs in a way that both people are happy and satisfied. Tantra can help in improving sex itself, but also improving intimacy and connection through the practice of Tantra communication. The core of Tantra communication is compassion and honesty. That goes back to compassion and honesty for ourselves. The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with our self. The relationship needs to be filled with compassion and honesty. It is bad to lie to others it is worse to lie to yourself. You can’t fix a problem you don’t acknowledge. If I am unhappy and I refuse to acknowledge my own unhappiness I can’t change it and I will continue to be unhappy.
Tantric communication can help with sexual frequency in a relationship. First, it has to be acknowledged as a problem, but in a loving and honest way. One way is to simply state, I love you and I need to express that by making love more frequently what can I do to help you want to make love more?
For those of us currently on a solo path or single, Tanta meditation and sexual self pleasuring practices increase energy and make you more confident and attractive to sexual partners. It really does. Sexual confidence and knowledge are attractive traits.