Reality doesn’t change our perception changes. When I had that awkward high school sex where neither of your really knew what you were doing, but you knew you wanted to do it really bad, I wondered at what the guys were doing when they has an orgasm. It seemed like I was missing out on something. Then thanks to a random remark by a friend on how to stimulate the clitoris, I was all about self-pleasuring. I could not belie how good that felt. Sex as good for me to as I had very mild vaginal orgasms. If I had to describe those early orgasms it would be like a fire cracker going off. A short jolt of pleasure and then it was over and I was tired. I don’t feel the boys I was with had a much different experience. I am not entirely sure as I have not discussed it with them, but we liked it and it felt good and it didn’t take very long. It did feel really good however, but when you are young everything feels really good or really bad and there are few even moments.
I got married young. And the sex was good. At the time I thought it was pretty great as he made me orgasm all the time, but that was the catch. He made me. Then I had my babies and I as so in love with my babies. I was like most young mothers my babies were everything to me and I was a stay at home mother and I loved it. And I knew I didn’t love my husband, but I loved being married and being with my kids and the security I had. Yes, looking back on it I see I was wrong, but I really loved my kids and being a housewife and all that stuff. Ad the se was decent. I had orgasms, often good ones and I didn’t have to go look for sex and that was a huge bonus for me. I was a very horny young woman as most healthy young women are just like men. That is a good thing.
However, people get older and you see the world differently. My husband who was never a kind man became abusive. I think mostly because of excessive alcohol use. I don’t know. We continued to have sex, but it never really developed or brought us closer or gave us mutual pleasure and it was a source of conflict. He was a withholder. He knew sex was important to me and he withheld it to gain a sense of control over me. He had all sorts of reasons for doing this. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t thin enough. My pussy didn’t feel right, more on that later. I wasn’t romantic enough. I was a bad kisser. The list is endless. Needless to say I began to have a problem having orgasms. I just became very numb. At one point I thought my clitoris had withered up and died. We still had sex. It was terrible sex. I still had orgasms but they had been dialed back. This part of me that makes me so much of who I am was trampled. It was not a clean divorce because of financial reasons. And unlike many women who go out and get in shape and get remarried, I laid on the sofa and watched Angel and Charmed and didn’t want to date and didn’t want to have sex. After a year of this I finally got horny and went to the sex store and bought a sex toy. It was the first one I had purchased. There was nothing special about it. It was purple and looked like a purple penis. Once I started pleasuring myself again and really getting into it. I decided I needed to date. So I went online and I had terrible dates from Match.com. Everyone said they wanted to date, but they really only wanted to fuck. It was awful. Really awful. So I went on an adult site and really started to find men I wanted to have sex with. I was 48 and I was constantly being contacted by men a lot younger than me. I finally began dating them. I mean real dates, lunch, wine, making out. They were in general super attractive men that took me to lunch, bought wine and really wanted to have sex with me.