Tantra Yoga what it is and what it is not.

Tantra is a style of yoga.  There are literally dozens of types and styles of yoga  All types of yoga has a goal of  integration  of mind and body, and to activate the Kundalini energy that resides in our body.  This energy is the awakening of the self.    For me it is a release of expectations and knowledge of that being me is enough.   Tantra strives for a sense of oneness.  This aspect of Tantra and lead many to assume it is only a sexual practice and that is not true.  In fact, those people that get really hung up on the sexual aspect of Tantra actually miss the best teachings.  Does that mean Tantra isn’t sexual and can’t help with my sex life.  No.  Tantra massage, breathing, mediations, and movements can help with sexual energy.   Tantra can help with developing sexual intimacy between partners.   However it is not  Viagra.  It does not provide a quick fix.  The body and the mind need to be reprogramed and that does take time and work, however not unpleasant work.

images (11) Tantra’s central teaching is embracing  the whole.  The good the bad the ugly the beautiful.  By embracing the whole we transcend duality of good and bad and  embrace the sexual and the spiritual as one.  We see the body as an extension of the divine.  The union between men and women is a chance at enlightenment.  When we orgasm the energy brushes against the base of the central channel and gives us a glimpse into the divine.  That is why everyone likes orgasms so much. They feel heavenly and they are supposed to.

What Tantra is not is somebody advertising themselves as a Tantra goddess and giving out hand jobs.   It is also not some sort of secret knowledge to only be given to those deemed worthy by some guru.  The strongest truest guru is our own heart. When that guru is another person we tend to put expectations on them to act in a certain way and they will disappoint us.   Does that mean we should not seek out people to learn from, no.  But the teachings of others have to be weighed by our own heart and what we know to be true.

Images Craigslist rejected

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I was expecting to just go online and renew my Craigslist ad.  But no, this did not happen at all, because I wanted to change the image.  All the above images were rejected by Craigslist as being inappropriate.   I guess one does have a nipple.  I am looking at these pictures and I just don’t see anything wrong with them.  I especially like the second one.  What is wrong with our culture that we place so much negativity on sex.   I feel these images project what I want to impart more than the image I have.  The picture I use is titled Flaming June painted by Frederic Leighton, who is a recognized and famous Pre-Raphaelite painter so it is an image that passes through their checks.  I don’t understand why any of the above images would be censored. It doesn’t make sense to me.  One of the main topic that come up in client’s concerns is the fact they aren’t having intmate relations with their partners because the other partner feels shame and has had negative feelings about sex.  Sex is so complicated with so many strange feelings because it is a very strong and life affirming drive.  Sex makes us feel alive and brings us as close to enlightenment as we get in this world.  It is important to feel pleasure.  It is healing to feel pleasure.  It is not wrong to feel pleasure.  It is wrong to deny yourself pleasure.







A response to a question and a hearty thank you

imagesJBJEU7TMFirst I want to thank everyone for getting me off to a great start. It was been an awesome week for me.  My clients have all been the best.  I got to teach one of the elemental mediations, and for the first time it really took hold. It felt amazing to me.  I think it really was the act of teaching it to someone that made me completely feel it.  It was just the best.  Anyway, I have used blogger for years but this is my first time with WordPress and I want to thank Blue Host for setting me up with this site.  However, it is an upward learning curve with the site and getting a new phone set up and dealing with a temporary phone that is terrible.

One of my first contacts was from a man that felt he had a sexual addiction. Then while going through my questions I came across this one.

“I need to be happy and act out all my fantisies on one women , but I can’t be happy with just one girl. I’m a perve and I like everything but I can’t seem to find a girl that does so I just keep looking . I use a girl and play with her tell her limits are reached and just move on to the next one . I’m tired of breaking there hearts and only using girls for sex . What do I need to do”

I believe this is an honest questions from a person that is truly concerned about how his sexual behavior is impacting others and especially women he has feeling about. To me the heart of the question is why am I not happy with one person?  Why can’t that person be all that I need in bed.

First, I want to say that liking everything doesn’t make anyone a perve. As long as sex is with a consenting adult nothing is forbidden. It is a matter of taste.  For example, I like cowboy boots.  I have a entire closet full of cowboy boots and I plan to purchase more.  There are women that would not be caught dead wearing cowboy boots.  On the other hand,  me wearing cowboy boots inspired my best friend to buy a pair for herself.  Sex is like that.  Some people love oral sex and others do not.  Sometimes it is because they have not had a good experience with oral sex, but sometimes it is just because they do not like oral sex.  I personally didn’t like oral sex for most of my life because I had not experienced good oral sex.  When I did experience good oral sex it changed my feelings and increased my pleasure. However, it is still not my favorite sexual activity and it never will be.  That is a matter of sexual taste and we all have things that we like more than others.

Secondly, I think being curious is  a wonderful trait.  Being willing to explore and engage in different types of sex and positions is fun.  Some people are more highly sexual than others and it is important to them to explore and act out their fantasies.  That is a good thing.  So those  are the good things.  Now for the less than good things or at least more difficult things.

Girls like sex too and they like a wide variety of sex.   What often happens is that early on women  are taught that only bad girls, sluts like sex so if they like it that makes them a slut or a bad girl and they feel shame.   Also girls, women don’t ask for what they want because they don’t know how to ask for what they want. Since I don’t know other people’s sex life as well as my own I tend to fall back on my experiences and I hope you forgive that bit of self disclosure.  I fantasized about anal play from a young age, but never had a partner that even suggested it.  There was no way in hell the 18 year old me was going to bring that up.  I didn’t know how; I thought I was a freak, and no one acted interested. So when someone did finally ask I was all about that.  My mantra became , “fuck me up my ass.” However, if I hadn’t found someone that asked I probably would not have asked.  I know from myself and my close male friends that women are freaky and we really do want too please our partners so we will try almost everything.

The point is ask in a polite and non threatening way.  There are men that think if they get the woman really excited they can spring some new things on her.  This seldom works and often back fires as the woman feels tricked. Bring up what you want at an appropriate time. When you are alone and being serious and affectionate and there is a level of closeness. “Hey, I really get excited thinking about ??? Could  you please think about it.  Maybe it is something we could try if you want to?” Don’t put pressure on her.  Rmember how many women love Fifty Shades of Grey, we are freaks, we’re super freaky.  And I am throwing this in here because I don’t know where else to address it.  Men don’t use women for sex.  If a woman is willing and you are also and you both enjoy yourselves no one is getting used.  Women aren’t that fragile. We don’t get out hearts broke that often.  One way to avoid feeling guilt is to be honest about your feelings.  Don’t say you love someone to get sex.  Don’t tell a women or man that your love them when you don’t.  It is dishonest and people will get hurt.  When you know you don’t love someone tell them so they can  stop investing their heart and emotions into you.

On to the last bit.  If you want to get freaky in bed then you better find another person on your sexual level.  This is just from my personal experience and from observation.  Often highly sexual people are concerned at some level that we are too freaky.   So unconsciously we pick partners that put a brake on us.  We seek out a partner that will control our sex drive because we don’t think we can.  If I had found a partner as freaky and as willing as me what would happen? Often your partner wants to do things with you, but won’t just because they know you like them and it is a way to control you.

I am not sure if that answers your question, but being sexual and curious is not wrong or bad. It is good, and you should be glad to have a high sex drive.  As for romantic partners be honest, be open, and express your desires in a honest polite manner.  images3K85I98G



Yoni Massage, Tantra people and coconut oil

event_252414712I really like how this couple talk about Tantra and yoni or pussy massage and I think it is worth sharing. I will note that other aspects go into the activity other than what they discuss and they leave out preparing the Tantra temple , breath work and particular techniques that make this such an amazing activity. I have studied Tantra alone and with a partner and with a teacher. I found my teacher to be very uncompassionate and had to dissolve that relationship. One reason I did that was that she was a very narrow thinker and lacked flexibility. And in a very ironic turn of events she was completely disorganized in her teaching style which was a source of frustration. She was able to use the word cock and pussy, but as students we were not allowed to us those street terms as they may have negative energy for us. I personally do not think pussy has negative energy at least not for me. Nor does cock.

I like the word yoni,but I am not going to force it on someone if they prefer a different word. Personally, I sort of like the sound of pussy massage so this message resonated with me. I will say this a loving yoni massage is an earth shattering experience and one I think every woman deserves to have from her partner. I have had them from partners, a massage therapist and have given myself them. The aftermath is a feeling of complete happiness that can last from one day to several days. My first one came from a massage therapist shortly after I divorced and I had not been able to sleep for several years.

After the massage, I feel asleep and for the first time in at least 4 years slept without sleeping aids. It was very healing for me and therapeutic. As so much of our trauma is stored in the pelvic floor this type of massage can dissolve old hurts and heal past abuse while making the area more receptive to pleasure.


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20 minute orgasm

Reality doesn’t change our perception changes.   When I had that awkward high school sex where neither of your really knew what you were doing, but you knew you wanted to do it really bad, I wondered at what the guys were doing when they has an orgasm.  It seemed like I was missing out on something. Then thanks to a random remark by a friend on how to stimulate the clitoris, I was all about self-pleasuring.  I could not belie how good that felt.  Sex as good for me to as I had very mild vaginal orgasms.  If I had to describe those early orgasms it would be like a fire cracker going off. A short jolt of pleasure and  then it was over and I was tired. I don’t feel the boys I was with had a much different experience.  I am not entirely sure as I have not discussed it with them, but we liked it and it felt good and it didn’t take very long.  It did feel really good however, but when you are young everything feels really good or really bad and there are few even moments.

I got married young.  And the sex was good.  At the time I thought it was pretty great as he made me orgasm all the time, but that was the catch.  He made me. images (4)  Then I had my babies and I as so in love with my babies.  I was like most young mothers my babies were everything to me and I was a stay at home mother and I loved it. And I knew I didn’t love my husband, but I loved being married and being with my kids and the security I had.  Yes, looking back on it I see I was wrong, but I really loved my kids and being a housewife and all that stuff.  Ad the se was decent. I had orgasms, often good ones and I didn’t have to go look for sex and that was a huge bonus for me.  I was a very horny young woman as most healthy young women are just like men.   That is a good thing.

However, people get older and you see the world differently.  My husband who was never a kind man became abusive.  I think mostly because of excessive alcohol use.  I don’t know.  We continued to have sex, but it never really developed or brought us closer or gave us mutual pleasure and it was a source of conflict.  He was a withholder.  He knew sex was important to me and he withheld it to gain a sense of control over me.  He had all sorts of reasons for doing this.  I wasn’t attractive enough.  I wasn’t thin enough.  My pussy didn’t feel right, more on that later. I wasn’t romantic enough. I was a bad kisser. The list is endless. Needless to say I began to have a problem having orgasms.  I just became very numb. At one point I thought my clitoris had withered up and died.   We still had sex.  It was terrible sex. I still had orgasms but they had been dialed back.   This part of me that makes me so much of who I am was trampled.   It was not a clean divorce because of financial reasons.  And unlike many women who go out and get in shape and get remarried,  I laid on the sofa and watched Angel and Charmed  and didn’t want to date and didn’t want to have sex.  After a year of this I finally got horny and went to the sex store and bought a sex toy.  It was the first one I had purchased.  There was nothing special about it.  It was purple and looked like a purple penis.  Once I started pleasuring myself again and really getting into it. I decided I needed to date.  So I went online and I had terrible dates from Match.com.  Everyone said they wanted to date, but they really only wanted to fuck.  It was awful.  Really awful.  So I went on an adult site and really started to find men  I wanted to have sex with.  I was 48 and I was constantly being contacted by men a lot younger than me. I finally began dating them.  I mean real dates, lunch, wine,  making out.   They were in general super attractive men that took me to lunch, bought wine and really wanted to have sex with me.



So the other day I got older.  Even older than I am.  It was my birthday.  I went to see Magic Mike XXL and earlier Zak Brown Band.  I danced like a dervish at the concert.  I have continued to celebrate my birthday with presents and tonight a birthday dinner and espresso chocolate cake.

A confusing thing about me is that my inner life and my Tantra and yoga practices are so at odds with my persona.  I was not naturally blessed with a pleasant personality and my upbringing made me a little rough on the outside.  I literally did grow up in a barn.  I spent most of my formative years on the farm doing farm work with my father.  I am constantly saying dirty things and making people feel uncomfortable.

Once that first bit of weirdness is conquered I am as down to earth and compassionate as they come.  And it would be nice if that shined through more.  On the other hand, it is good to be who you are and not feel apologetic about it.  I was encouraged today reading Osho as he makes it known that we are enough as we are  and speaking and putting on a polite veneer is not the same as truly being a loving person.

Anyway, I like birthdays.  That day my mother and dad  were happy to welcome me to this earth and I can only assume I was happy also. James.1