Tantra, Creativity, & Sex.

tantric-couple-banner Some of those in Tantra view sex as the most creative act we engage in over our lifetime. How can a thing like sex be creative.  Outside of procreation, sex connects us directly to our body and life energy in a way nothing else does.  I realize many, hopefully not too many, have sex the same way every time and do not spend more than  10 or 15 minutes having sex and actually say, ” I just want to get it done.”  I know I have heard many people say it. I have had friends say it to me, and partners and clients.  My gut reaction to that comment is one of sadness.  Sex is not something you just want to get done.  Sex is a five course meal with fine wine,  and many people act as if they are eating a big Mac at McDonalds with soda by rushing through things, doing what you know will get our partner off in the least amount of time, and rolling over and going to sleep or jumping up and taking off. So what should sex feel and look like?

Sex should feel great.  It should fell like every cell in your body is pulsing with pleasure and at its best it should feel like you are one with the universe and there is no barrier between you and the light of the universe.   This can only happen if you channel the  sexual energy of your fire chakra which rests in your pelvis up through your earth chakra, your space chakra, your air chakra to your water chakra which rests in your brain.  That pulsing energy is diffused through your entire body, awakening all your senses, and giving you a glimpse of enlightenment or heaven.   That is what good sex should feel like.  If you only feel sex primarily in the lingman or yoni and it is a short and hard release with tensing of the legs and calves and feet, your energy has been blocked and is being held in the fire chakra.  The energy is not moving up through the body or without enough stimulation a strong sexual charge has not been built up. Sex should feel like you have just achieved enlightenment and your entire body is alive and vital.

What should sex look like? Sex can take many forms from self pleasuring to mutual pleasuring to penetration to oral stimulation to anal stimulation between loving partners or sexual partners or friends of the same sex or different sexes.  It can include one person or many people.  I am constantly surprised by sex.  I am constantly surprised at what sex looks like to me. The more openness we can bring to sex and the less we focus on expectations the happier our sex lives will be.  If I had gotten stuck with what sex looked like to me at 16, I would have had very little sex in my life, very little. If I had not been able to move past my physical expectations of what my partner looked like I would have stopped having sex at 18 and for sure by 40. bradley-cooper-20 I will p0st a picture of basically what I wanted on the physical side and to be completely honest I cared very little about personal qualities and I had very little ability to feel intimate on a sexual level.  The men just had to be hot, and it has taken me a long time to reach a point where I only want to have sex with a person I am intimate with.  And that has been my Tantra journey and what I have gained.

Note on Chakras:  The chakra system I touched on is for Tibetan Tantra and does not correspond with the Indian Chakra system.

 

Adjusting to Fall, age & sex 

Each year the light begins to change and summer shakes loose of hot summer days and night and slowly the nights cool, apples ripen, gardens burst with vegetables, the leaves turn and rustle in the wind.  We not only accept this change most of us love fall.  The colors, the smells, the first cool nights under covers are a welcome change.  Our bodies adjust to the change in light the warm days and cool nights and the feel we get that refreashens our soul.

Few people dread or regret fall and the joys of the season.  Many love the excuse to drink pumpkin spiced lattes, go for long walks, prepare for winter, and enjoy the changes. However, most people do not feel that way about age.  We hold on to the belief if we don’t acknowledge our age and the changes it brings they don’t exist.  That is not true. I am really grateful to the fact that I have had very good health and still feel and look good at my age.  And I have had health issues, but nothing serious or not fixable and I do not have daily aches or pains.   That is luck.  Nothing more.lion

One thing that has been an constant with me is an interest in sex and learning more about sex and Tantra and feeling pleasure.  I do not believe there is ever too much pleasure to feel.   Our bodies do not have a finite amount of pleasure that we can feel.  We can feel an infinite amount of pleasure.  Not just a few moments of a strained orgasm with our legs cramping and toes curled, but a free flowing wave of pleasure taking us to a higher level of bliss.  Sex and desire can’t be contained in a few words or a certain type of relationship.  Desire is not something we control.  Why I desire one thing over another can’t be explained away or even understood. Desire is wild, a fire that burns us.  However, it is a fire we can raise up in our bodies to experience the hot burning of desire and the beautiful and free flowing bliss of fulfillment of our desire.

That is a little more poetic than I was planning on as I am feeling very— well horny.  I am not really sure why we use that word or what it even means, but in my case I am filled with desire and long for the fulfillment of that desire. Or as the Buddha says: To live is to burn.

On being older and single

Fearless-e1382723753637I divorced at 48 and I thought the world was over, basically.  I had been a stay at home wife and had little outside work experience.  The last thing on my mind was having sex or dating or anything social.  I was so numb and wounded it was a chore just to get up in the morning.  I kept exercising, trying to eat properly, and continued my yoga and writing.  Sexually, I was so numb that I didn’t even self-pleasure as it didn’t feel good.   Finally about a year after my divorce I started feeling like I had some desire.  Not that much but enough to motivate me to date or at least look for sex.   That went a lot better than I expected and I began to have very enjoyable sex something that had been missing from my marriage.  Getting divorced later in life  can be very painful even if the marriage was bad and abusive.   It is just a painful process.  While I was having very good sex I wasn’t really connecting with my partners or myself.  It was just something I did to feel better about my life.  I had a partner that introduced me to Tantra and another one that introduced me to sensual and healing massage.  Those two things did reconnect me with people and myself.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  I don’t even know most of the questions.  However, I have found that yoga and especially Tantra for me has provided me with the techniques to better manage my life, my health and to achieve better sex at my age than I had through out most of my life. While I do not have as much sex as I did when I was young, the sex I have is better.

Poetry, again…

My love poem to you

 

I watch you walk awayMichael_Parkes_14

You don’t look over your shoulder.

You are off and away. I leave too with only one evil thought.

And then it is days before I can take it all in

The feel of you, the smell of you,

The rough hard way you come at me

after a week of coaxing and convincing

And finally we both relent to the idea that there is

Nothing perfect here and our plans for music, candles and

time to enjoy each other are in vain.

I mail my confident, my ex-lover that you have broke me

He is concerned about his growing irrelevancy. I reassure him,

but my brokenness is not address.   I plan to text you and tell you

that you broke me, but you knew that the first night, bastard.

How I love you.

 

 

 

 

Who Can Benefit from Tantra written by the Sensual Tiger

Sometimes it is difficult for me to explain or discuss  my work.  However I do have a strong belief that it is extremely helpful to my well being and the well being of others.

This article can be found at:

http://www.sensualtigerholisticarts.com/who-can-benefit-from-tantra–tantric-massage.html

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Basically everyone can benefit from learning and practicing Tantra and from receiving Tantric Massage sessions.  These usually pique the interest of those looking for: personal growth and a higher spiritual awareness, to gain a more pleasurable sex life, and/or have a deeper intimacy with their partner.  But, there are many health benefits most do not realize can be achieved from practicing Tantra or receiving a Tantric Massage.   Some of the conditions that have shown to benefit from for Tantra and Tantric Massage are; ADD, ADHD, Anxiety, Auto-Immune Disorders, Breast Lumps, Digestive Problems, Depression, Endometriosis, Fatigue, Hormone Imbalances, Infertility, Irregular Menstrual Cycle, Low Back Pain, Low Sex Drive, Migraines, Miscarriages, Ovarian Cyst, Painful Intercourse, Painful Periods, PMS, Poor Immune, Pre-Cervical Cancer, Stress related problems and excessive Stress, Uterine Fibroids, Vaginal Dryness and many more.  There are also a lot of Anti-Aging benefits and effect from Tantric Massage sessions and practicing Tantra.

The reason it can help all those conditions and others is because they are all caused from blockages and energy imbalances.  Traditional Chinese Medicine states that there are only two things that cause pain in the body.  They are a blockage of the flow of blood or a blockage of the flow of energy.  It also states that the only reasons for any disease in the body are blockages of blood or energy, or deficiency of blood or energy.  Tantra focuses on building blood and energy through deep breathing, meditation and intent, and releases blockages through movement, yoga, massage and many other techniques.  Another main focus of Tantra and Tantric Massage is to build and build the sexual energy (which is a very raw and powerful energy) and release it up through the spine and to fill the entire body and every cell.  This alone builds energy and blood in the body and blast through blockages.  Of course Tantra cannot be a “heal all” completely by itself.  Tantra teaches us to enjoy the pleasures of fresh foods, regular exercise and stretching, relaxation exercises and simply enjoy life and its pleasures to the fullest.  I personally have had much success treating all of the conditions listed above and many more.  Although you will feel an incredible difference with just one session, serious and chronic conditions may take several sessions and doing breathing exercise, mediation, stretching or other techniques on your own in between sessions.  There is no exact number of treatments for any certain condition.  Everyone is different and the reasons thier bodies are out of balance vary.  If anyone says they can treat something in this many session they are not being honest.  Like I said earlier you will need to make your health a priority and at least something on your own to improve your health.  Whether that is just learning to relax more, move more, eliminate stress, take a yoga class or whatever, you will have to play an active part in your health and well being.  So any progress will depend on what caused the imbalance(s), are you still experiencing those causes, how easily you can let go of stress and blockages or even just “let go”, what are you doing to help or hinder your progress and yes how often or consistance you you receive treatment.  Some times are easy to work with and you gain progess quickly.  I have one client who had been trying to get pregnant for over a year.  I worked with her once a week and she became pregnant on the 6th week of working with her.

You don’t have to have a physical imbalance or condition to receive a Tantric Massage.  It can also assist in spiritual / personal growth,  to just receive pleasure, enhance sexual experiences, become more open sexually, or to find that balance of sometimes just receiving with no expectation of giving. We were meant to be free uninhibited beings.  Unfortunately most of us are stressed to the max.  Many religions and Western society tell us we should feel guilty, shameful and fearful of almost everything.  We are taught that our bodies are bad, dirty and must be kept private.  Sex is only for reproduction and it’s bad to just enjoy physical pleasure.  Along with many other beliefs and burdens that have been placed on us over this last century, it is no wonder we are more ill and unhappy then we have ever been in history.  Every year the percentages of people expected to get cancer, heart disease and other major illnesses increase at a rate like never before.  Think about it.  Even when life was much harder and the general population was malnourished there was far less serious and fatal diseases.  One of the main reasons is because sex and physical pleasure wasn’t hidden and no one was ashamed of it.  It was a natural human experience.  Our bodies would not be designed to experience so much pleasure if it was something bad (and let me tell you we haven’t even scratched the surface on how much pleasure we can experience).  I’m sorry but I really do not feel God would create our bodies in a way that we are able to experience so much pleasure and then tell us it is bad to experience such pleasures.   If we were meant to only have sex for reproduction then we would be like animals and only be sexually aroused when the female was fertile.  Also why would there be so many positive health benefits?  It is proven that sexual pleasure has many positive health benefits mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It doesn’t make sense that there is such a negative mind set towards physical pleasure.  Would you give your kids something that brought them great joy and health and then tell them it was something that was bad and to be ashamed of experiencing? I see God as unconditional love, light, peace and joy.  So it doesn’t make sense that we have to suffer, be poor and unhappy to be closer to God.  It is actually the opposite.  We can only get closer to God when we are vibrating at the same frequency as God and living our lives with unconditional love, peace and joy. If you want to be closer to God then you have to be like God.  That is what Tantra is all about.  Once we can accept that concept it is life changing for the positive and our health and lives can only get better. 

I hope everyone enjoys this article as much as I did

 

 

What is better Passion or Sexual Technique

The old school of thought was if you loved a person enough you would have good sex. I think that is true for some people.  Some people have a very strong emotional and physical bond and they are able to work on love making and sex until it really works well for them and they stay together for their entire lives. According to the  American Psychologist Association:

Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

The likelihood of staying with your first marriage partner your entire life is not very good anymore.  I do know a lot of lifetime partners and it is awesome to see happy couples.  They are couples that make being together seem easy and you can tell they still carry that original spark of passion. I believe that happy couples have happy sex lives and they have found the techniques that work for them. In this case the couple has kept passion and developed techniques that bring sexual fulfillment.  This is of course is  the best case scenario that most people want.  Yet, I will say this couple has spent time learning about each other in bed and out of bed and deserve their happiness.  a kiss

I also know there are many couples that care about each other, but are stuck in a sexual rut and don’t explore.  These are good marriages where the couple is not having great sex because they lack skills and often knowledge.  And then there is always the shame issue for both men and women.  These couples have the potential to have a great marriage with great sex, but haven’t quite mastered the skill set of communication, exploration, and techniques.  This couple can benefit from Tantra techniques that teach a new way of relating to the body, teach tantric communication skills, and tantric sexual techniques especially the yoni and lingam massage with breath work.  This is a couple that genuinely care about each other, but haven’t mastered skills that bring them the greatest sexual pleasure. I believe most couples fall in this range, where we have to find time to be passionate and sexual.

The last couple is that couple who are together for all the wrongs reasons, an unplanned pregnancy, economic reasons, for convenience  or social standing, but not love or caring.  Everyone knows this couple, everyone.  One partner is usually abusive and the other is passive and enjoys the outward appearance of being a couple.  This couple needs to go their separate ways.  I was this couple when I was married.  There are some relationships that can’t be fixed, even with duct tape.

The Easiest Way to Improve Sex–Be Present.

If you ever have had a random thought go through your head while making love or having sex, however it is defined, you aren’t fully in your body, but in your head and not present. I was almost the most shallow person on the planet as a young women.  I can remember running my hands over a mans’ back and feeling a bump and I was horrified and then my mind just went into a tailspin of “Did I just touch a pimple, a mole, a scar, what the hell was that? And I think the thought process of sex is different in women than men.  Women think during sex, and it is mostly not sexy thoughts.  It is “get this over so I can put some laundry in, or I need to take out some hamburger from the freezer or I wonder if he is looking at how small my boobs are, or how big my boobs are, or how my left boob is bigger than my right boob, or the mole on my boob, or the lone hair on my nipple, or the third nipple I have on my right side and if he sees the third nipple will he think I am a witch?  800px-narcissus-caravaggio_1594-96

The picture is of Narcissus, who became so caught up in his own image he fell in love with himself and couldn’t leave the pond. He ultimately died and was turned into the flower of the same name.  That is how we are when we get caught up in our own thoughts and become less aware of what is happening in the present moment. The chances pleasure and joy are of actually lessened when we are trapped by our own thoughts.

That is how women’s minds work, they aren’t usually judging the man they are just allowing random thoughts to cruise around their heads. What that means is they aren’t in their bodies, the pleasure is secondary, the sex is happening to them not with them.  I actually have always admired how men can just go after it as if the lingam blocks their thoughts.  However, since I do get the opportunity to speak with men about their sex lives I have found they also have intrusive thoughts and quite a few men have difficulty achieving orgasm. Or if the man is asking for something constantly during sex it is a good indication that he is not completely enjoying what is happening in the present moment.

The quickest the easiest way to improve sex it is be present.  Enjoy the feeling in the moment let the pleasure build and breathe and relax.  Trust yourself to enjoy the pleasure of giving and receiving touch.  I like to refer to it as sinking deep into the body.  It is the time when you forget about the outside world, the bills, the mole or pimple or scar or whatever and enjoy how the body feels and tastes and looks and just enjoy it.  Some will say easier said than done, but that is the complexity of being present in any activity.  If you are washing a glass just wash the glass and be mindful of the glass washing.  The same is true for sex.  When you are having sex or making love, just have sex and be mindful of the sex and communicate with understanding and compassion and love.   Easiest improvement to make.

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Best Dating Advice–Ever as told to me by a man

The best dating advice I have ever heard is this.  Sleep with them on the first date unless they physically repulse you, and then leave and never see them again.  images (19)

The reason behind sleeping with them on the first date is logical.  The sexual chemistry or whatever pulls us to a person should be strong, so strong that it is irresistible.  So the decision  made by the body is good and should be listened it. But what if  you want to withhold so the man doesn’t get the wrong ideas.  Well, any man that is making judgments on a woman’s taste and sexuality is probably an asshole.  And the man should have enough confidence to believe that that woman is making the choice out of attraction to him not because she is a ____ insert whatever judgmental word you have for women.

What happens next:

1-The sex is amazing and you just sort of stick together

2-The sex sucks and you don’t see each other again.

Either is a win. You have either found someone you like and will be with for a while.  I slept with my ex husband on the first night and we were together for 25 years. I slept  with my ex boyfriend on our first date  and we were together for 5 years. It wasn’t forever, what is?  They weren’t the greatest relationships, but I did learn a lot and had a lot of good sex.   If you sleep with them and it is a total disaster then don’t see the person again, so what?  It was not going to work out anyway.

I find the logic of this sound.  It cuts out all the games, you begin a new relationship in the best possible way, great sex, or you walk away without having wasted a lot of time and heart ache.

 

Touch what it should be and what is shouldn’t be

Universally, we all long to be touched.  It is hardwired into our bodies that we long for touch. Some people require less and some require more, but we all require it.  One of the aspects of touch is learning how to touch your partner and knowing how they liked to be touched and where.  This requires one thing.  Ask!!!  That is it Ask!!! Women will respond to touch they don’t like by saying a variation of the following: don’t, not there, stop it or actually pulling away or pushing your hand away. Men just sort of suffer it out, but it still bothers them.    Many times it isn’t that we don’t want to be touched,  but the way we are being touched feels too rough to even too gentle. It is really about asking.  images (11)

It is also learning some basics about touch. A touch should always feel confident to the receiver.  Whether the touch is going to be gentle, rough or even a slap it should be done with confidence.  There is nothing worse than to be on the other end of a half-hearted slap that doesn’t really contact right and feels sort of half-assed. Then there is the too gentle touch like I am going to break and it is just not about being too gentle but tentative.  Then there is my least favorite type of touch, this one was perfected by my ex-husband,  the grabbing, grasping, icky pawed at touch.  I like being touched rough.  I like being grabbed.  It is exciting when it is part of the how that sex is playing out.  However, when a person constantly grabs without any intention or confidence it is unnerving. It doesn’t spark desire it kills it. I often demonstrate touch to men on the chest.  When the chest is massaged in a circular up and outward motion it is very pleasant.  However,  I then demonstrate a touch that is actually unpleasant and that is reaching over the chest and nipple area and dragging my fingers downward.  No one has ever stated this feels good. And I do it to demonstrate an unpleasant or even bad way of touching someone.  I ask  first and then discuss it afterwards.

Another aspect of touch that I employ is to get myself in sync with the energy of the person receiving the touch, by breathing with them making eye contact talking a little to convey intention Then I actually do this and I know how it sounds, but I ask or pray that my touch conveys love and understanding. That is what I want to flow from me to any other person not only those that I work with, but my family, my friends, my partners, my dogs.