Tantra is important.

sex4 One Reason sex begins to feel the same and sort of tired and worn out

is that most of us fall into patterns or habits.  Even in masturbation we tend to touch ourselves in the same way at the same rhythm to the same

images and fantasies.  At some point our bodies fail to react with excitement and pleasure.  So we try a faster pace or a harder touch and it takes longer

to get less and less pleasure.  I have been there.  Where I could only orgasm on my back moving my hand a certain way on my clitoris and thinking certain thoughts. and there could be no disruption to my routine or I  could not achieve an orgasm.   And those destructive habits became a part of my married sex also.  One of the blessings of divorce was that I had to move beyond that. I experimented with toys, different ways to touch, with men, and finally came to Tantra as important to sex.

One reason Tantra is important is that you learn to touch in a different way.  Your touch is filled with intention. The intention is to give pleasure and to receive pleasure.  Also breath is incorporated in the touch to make sure the body is feed with energy to feel the greatest  amount of desire and pleasure. And at higher levels of Tantra visualization and mediations and sounds are added to increase the feeling of expansion and pleasure. Or as I recently explained to a client,” more better”….  I got excited.  It is something I love to talk about and believe in.  Tantra is important as a way to love and to have sex.  It not only teaches acceptance of our own bodies, but to extend that acceptance to others.

However, I think most importantly it teaches how to touch in a way that isn’t judgmental, isn’t demanding, or harsh but kind and encouraging.  I am not saying that rough sex isn’t fun and exciting.  It is.  But even in rough sex if the intention is to please there is a different texture to the touch.  Also Tantra gives confidence to sex and how to touch to give the most pleasure and how to breathe to experience the most pleasure.  One of the benefits I have received through Tantra and why I believe it is important is the quality of my orgasms when I am with myself or a partner. The biggest gift Tantra gives is the expansion of pleasure and the best gift we can give a partner is our own pleasure. It makes you feel happy and intimate  to bring someone pleasure and to watch that experience of ecstasy unfold on your partners face.  It is why many people, men and women, enjoy giving oral pleasure.  You get to watch the change of expression from happy to intense pleasure to a relaxed state of bliss.  That is what sex, intimacy and Tantra is all about.  And that is why I love it. untitled (24)


Best Quote on Sex and Life and Love

New Year Resolutions, and the Best Tantric Sex—Ever

aamassage I am glad the craze for New Years Resolutions is basically over.  There are still a few people hanging on trying to change their lives by beginning an exercise program or meditation or drop some weight or build a better relationship or do better at work.  You can name a bunch of stuff.  However, what I have observed over the years is that people don’t change very much.  My sister-in-law has been losing and gaining back the same 75 lbs. for the last twenty years.

Does that mean I don’t believe in change, no.  I do.  I think change comes with daily habits.  You get up you exercise, you drink water, you drink more water, and you eat whole foods that aren’t refined.  Making a few small changes makes all the difference in the world over time.  If you want to have better sex, you learn new techniques.  You practice.  You make sex and intimacy a priority in your life because it builds healthy strong relationships, and protects relationships from damage, plus it promotes better emotional health and physical health.  One of the things I focus a lot on is breathing or pranayama.  Breathing correctly is not something a lot of people do.  They take short shallow breaths that signal to the body that it is a flight or fight response.  This increases stress in the body and muscle tension.

One of the first things in Tantra that is learned is how to breathe. And how to breathe to increase the pleasure and intensity of orgasms. It is not a difficult technique.  Their are also several Kundalini poses that strengthen the sexual organs and develop strength in that area along with pranayama. Tantra is not a complicated practice reserved for a few.  It is a few easy changes in how you view sex and how you experience pleasure and learning how to breath differently.

One simple way Tantric way to increase the intensity and feeling of an orgasm and make it a more expansive experience is to take long deep breaths, to consciously take long deep breaths during foreplay.  Rather than pant take a long deep breath in to the count of 4 or more hold  and let it out slowly.  when taking a breath in imagine the air flowing into your body filling your pelvic region with desire and pleasure. Let your mind be still and experience the feel of your lovers skin, and breath and touch.  Experience as much pleasure as you want to give.  Pleasure is limitless or limited by our own thoughts.

A small change in breathing patterns during sex, learning to still the mind and accept pleasure in all the forms that please you will expand your sex life and make for a blissful New Year.


Osho on Tantra

Osho Quotes on Tantra

Tantra Is the Science of Transforming Ordinary Lovers Into Soul MatesimagesA4OG8F49

“In the East, we have developed a science: if you cannot find a soul mate, you can create one. And that science is Tantra. To find a soul mate means to find the person with whom all your seven centers meet naturally. That is impossible. Once in a while, a Krishna and a Radha, a Shiva and a Shakti. And when it happens it is tremendously beautiful. But it is like lightning – you cannot depend on it. If you want to read your Bible, you can’t depend on it that when the lightning is there you will read. The lightning is a natural phenomenon, but not dependable.

“If you wait for your natural soul mate to meet with you, it will be just like waiting for lightning with which to read your Bible. And you will not be able to read much either. For a moment it is there, and by the time you have opened the Bible it is gone.

“Hence, Tantra was created. Tantra is a scientific approach. Tantra is alchemy; it can transform your centers, it can transform the other’s centers, it can create a rhythm and harmony between you and your beloved. That is the beauty of Tantra. It is like bringing electricity into your house. Then you can turn it on and off whenever you want. And you can have a thousand and one uses of it; it can cool your room, it can heat your room. Then it is a miracle. These seven centers in you are nothing but centers of body electricity. So, when I am talking about lightning, don’t think of it only as a symbol – I mean it literally.

“In your body, there exists a subtle current of electricity, very subtle. But the subtler it is, the deeper it goes. It is not very visible. Scientists say that all the electricity that is in your body, if put together, can be used to light a five-candle bulb. It is not much. Quantitatively it is not much, quantitatively the atom is not much, but qualitatively… If it explodes, it has tremendous energy in it.

“In your body, there exists a subtle current of electricity, very subtle. But the subtler it is, the deeper it goes. It is not very visible. Scientists say that all the electricity that is in your body, if put together, can be used to light a five-candle bulb. It is not much. Quantitatively it is not much, quantitatively the atom is not much, but qualitatively… If it explodes, it has tremendous energy in it.

“These seven centers, these seven chakras Yoga and Tantra have talked about down the ages, are nothing but five knots in your body electric current. They can be changed; they can be rearranged. They can be given a new shape, form. Two lovers can be transformed so deeply that all their seven centers can start meeting.

“Tantra is the science of transforming ordinary lovers into soul mates. And that is the grandeur of Tantra. It can transform the whole earth; it can transform each couple into soul mates.”

But this way feels natural

I actually sort of love hearing that.  I usually hear it when I am helping with conscious deep breathing.  Most people go well I just breathe.  And you likely breathe the wrong way.  With short shallow breaths that produce tension and pain in your upper back and between your shoulder blades.  That is not neck pain or back pain that is tension, pure and simple tension.  That is actually increased by short shallow breaths. btantra I used to have it every day.  Every single day and I just expected it.  From age 21 to about 44.  It was a pain I lived with daily.  When I began writing, it of course worsened. One reason was stress and the other was the fact I sat and typed for long periods of time and our bodies are not designed to sit.  Then in my mid forties I began to do yoga and I struggled with what Rodney Yee described as conscious breathing. I still struggle with my breath exercises. Because I am not doing what I feel is natural, which really mean easiest.  Learning to control the breath is one of the most difficult parts of my practice. It is hard.  It doesn’t feel natural.  I still struggle with it.  However, I do understand the value of learning how to breathe.  And to be honest once I began using conscious breathing, my neck pain stopped and I haven’t had it for 15 years.  On top of that I had broken my neck at 20 and the doctors assured me I would have arthritis in my neck, which I have not had.

Now I am going to get sexual.  When most people achieve orgasm they tend to hold their breath and tighten up the muscles in their legs and buttocks often leading to the cramp in the ball of the feet.  We have all been there and it feels natural.

However, when the breath is cut off and the flow energy is stop by the clenching of muscles the orgasms is actually confined and shortened. By using deep breathing methods and the ocean breath to relax the body the orgasm has a chance to expand and flow outward. I would compare it to waves of pleasure sweeping through the body.  And no it doesn’t feel natural at first, but with practice it is like tide bringing in ever increasing pleasure.    


Start the New Year with higher awareness of Pleasure and Bliss.

aaamassage  I do not make new years resolutions as I do not like to set myself up for failure.  I do however have like to use the time between Christmas and the New Year to regroup, organize and get prepared for changes.  I wanted to talk about a tantric practice and what that means. Tantra isn’t all about sex.  It is also about deep relaxation, and mediation, and breath work.  Much of my Tantra practice focuses on movement and breathing. I have 5 pelvic exercises I do to music each night while using yoni breathing. These movement strengthen my pelvic floor and keep the power of desire open and my back loose and the hips in good working order.  That is one  practice I use to bring pleasure into my life by feeling the music and breath move within me.  Each of us are different, but there are some common threads in our existence.  Most of us worry about age, and loss.  Loss takes many forms, from people, to health, to finances, to desire and passion.  Loss and change is a fact of life.  It is how we react and process that change as to how happy will be in this life.

One area that seems to come up in many of my sessions is the loss of desire or passion.  And to use a farm analogy,  “You have to prime the pump.” The more sexual you are the more sexual you will want to be.  The more you seek out pleasure the more pleasure you will find.  The body has an amazing ability to give us high levels of pleasure and bliss.  Most people simply do not tap into the body’s ability to feel high levels of pleasure.  However, I have to make a distinction between desire and pleasure.

Desire is that feeling of wanting and yearning for physical contact.  It is that fierce need to have someone.  To have sex that overrides anything else.  That feeling is great.  I have never met anyone that doesn’t like that feeling. I will say it again, that feeling is great.  It inspires great poetry, songs, and works of art.  It also inspires us to make changes in our lives for relationships and marriage and numerous other things.  That feeling is the creativity of our sexual desires moving us to change and create and experience pleasure.   That feeling never goes away, but we can become disconnected from it and our own body.  I think that is very true when we only view our sexuality in terms of intercourse and sexual parts.  Your desire your passion doesn’t exist in your yoni or lingman.  It exists in the circuit of energy that arises in the fire chakra and moves up the central channel to our heart and minds. When desire is absent it is often a great concern to people.  It is worded in ways like: we don’t have that spark anymore;  I just don’t feel it anymore; we are just going through the motions; I just want to get it done.  Also variations of this theme.

Pleasure is different.  It is what we feel when we are touched, or have an orgasm.   The ability to enhance pleasure is present in everyone. amassage And it is not based on age or the swift fierce desire of youth.  Pleasure comes from learning how to experience it through techniques.  Tantra offers those techniques.   Pleasure is almost limitless and is one reason that many seek enlightenment through Tantra yoga.  The extension of pleasure over a period of time breaks down the barriers between our limited body and the limitless universe and that is enlightenment to know we are part of the universe and not separate and alone.

I love the heady rush of desire for someone and the need to be with them. It reminds me of how powerful those feelings are and how necessary they are.  However, there is the real trap of thinking that lust, or infatuation or desire is created by someone else or can only be felt when we are young.   That is a emotion that we have but often leave untapped as we don’t know how to access it we don’t know how to have control over bring it forward.  I use my writing, and my Tantra movements and breath work to feel the free flow of desire.  There are other ways, visualizations, meditations and exercises that also increase desire.

Pleasure can become almost limitless through breath work and learning to relax to let the pleasure flow through you rather than holding your breath and tightening up, which cuts short the pleasure.   Connecting or reconnecting  the pathways to desire and  pleasure are a benefit of Tantra yogi.