is that most of us fall into patterns or habits. Even in masturbation we tend to touch ourselves in the same way at the same rhythm to the same
images and fantasies. At some point our bodies fail to react with excitement and pleasure. So we try a faster pace or a harder touch and it takes longer
to get less and less pleasure. I have been there. Where I could only orgasm on my back moving my hand a certain way on my clitoris and thinking certain thoughts. and there could be no disruption to my routine or I could not achieve an orgasm. And those destructive habits became a part of my married sex also. One of the blessings of divorce was that I had to move beyond that. I experimented with toys, different ways to touch, with men, and finally came to Tantra as important to sex.
One reason Tantra is important is that you learn to touch in a different way. Your touch is filled with intention. The intention is to give pleasure and to receive pleasure. Also breath is incorporated in the touch to make sure the body is feed with energy to feel the greatest amount of desire and pleasure. And at higher levels of Tantra visualization and mediations and sounds are added to increase the feeling of expansion and pleasure. Or as I recently explained to a client,” more better”…. I got excited. It is something I love to talk about and believe in. Tantra is important as a way to love and to have sex. It not only teaches acceptance of our own bodies, but to extend that acceptance to others.
However, I think most importantly it teaches how to touch in a way that isn’t judgmental, isn’t demanding, or harsh but kind and encouraging. I am not saying that rough sex isn’t fun and exciting. It is. But even in rough sex if the intention is to please there is a different texture to the touch. Also Tantra gives confidence to sex and how to touch to give the most pleasure and how to breathe to experience the most pleasure. One of the benefits I have received through Tantra and why I believe it is important is the quality of my orgasms when I am with myself or a partner. The biggest gift Tantra gives is the expansion of pleasure and the best gift we can give a partner is our own pleasure. It makes you feel happy and intimate to bring someone pleasure and to watch that experience of ecstasy unfold on your partners face. It is why many people, men and women, enjoy giving oral pleasure. You get to watch the change of expression from happy to intense pleasure to a relaxed state of bliss. That is what sex, intimacy and Tantra is all about. And that is why I love it.