Sex vs Sexuality

michael-parkes-magic-realism-paintings-720-2I have been thinking about this topic a lot. I had a client begin talking about his fantasy. He told me it was a way that he accessed his sexuality. I explained another way that I have come to believe in which was to focus on the sensations of the body, and the breath and to remain present and attentive to the touch. I think he was a bit offended. Fantasy, is all in the head and sex is in the body. Be present and attentive to what you are doing in any activity, but especially sex. And while researching this idea I came across the teaching by Osho and what follows is his explanation of sex and sexuality.


Sex is beautiful, sexuality is ugly, and the difference has to be understood. Sex is a natural phenomenon. Sexuality is unnatural, abnormal and pathological. When sex becomes cerebral, when sex enters in your head, it becomes sexuality.
Now, the head is not the center for sex. It is getting into confusion, it is getting upside down, it is getting deranged. Sex is not the function of the head, but when sex enters in through the head it becomes sexuality. Then you think about sex, then you fantasize about sex. And the more you think, the more you fantasize about it, the more you will get into trouble because then nothing real will ever satisfy you because there is no limitation on fantasy, and reality is limited.
For example, if you start thinking too much about sex you can create beautiful women – women which are only your fantasy; you will never find them anywhere in the world. Or will never come across them. No real woman or man will ever satisfy you because of the fantasy. No real man or woman can fulfill your expectations of fantasy. Fantasy is fantasy; it is a dream.

Fear based living and pleasure

Michael_Parkes_Thesday_ChidOne the emotional issues I am faced with often if not daily is fear.  Not my fear as I have a pretty good handle on that.   But fears from clients that contact me. They have a fear I will reject them or it won’t be a  useful experience or that it might be illegal and other easy things to discuss.  However, I have had conversations with several as in more than 2 but less than a dozen that are distressed at the pleasure aspect of Tantra.  A core belief of Tantra is that pleasure heals our body.   That through the experience of pleasure with ourselves or with others we have the ability to access the deepest channel of energy in our body and that free flow of energy during an orgasm opens our central channel, or spine if you can’t accept that term, and clears emotional and trauma induced blockages in our body allowing us to heal both physically and emotionally.   However, some people I have had conversations with are afraid they will lose control that somehow what I am doing is sketchy or on the level of a prostitute or working in a Asian Massage parlor.  That is not what I do.  I teach Tantra.  I teach people to experience more and deeper levels of pleasure for  the direct propose of healing. Also the goal of Tantra is not to lose control.   The exact opposite is true, Tantra gives you greater control over your sexual energy and allows that creativity to be used in other endeavors.   One of my good friends said she has noticed a big difference in my attitude since I had begun mediation.  I hate to admit that while I do mediate it is mostly for the purpose of self-pleasuring and what change has come about is that I experience more pleasure through orgasms, but it is with the intent of gaining healing and self knowledge not to relieve stress, not to prove love, not to make another happy, but to experience the deepest and fullest pleasure I can.  I have always had great orgasms, but a lot of time I used them like booze to relieve stress.  I never drank or used drugs in high school because I couldn’t understand how that was going to make me feel better than sex did.  I had good orgasms them, but they are nothing compared to what I experience now.   They are healing.  My teacher wanted to rate everything.  Is it a 8 or a 9. I don’t rate experiences for the simple reason that moment is gone and how can I compare it to anything else and by comparing it how can I experience  the present moment?  All I can say is that my orgasms have changed the quality of my life.  My life is better.  I am happier.  I am healthier from experiencing more pleasure.

It hurts me to deal with people that have such a resistance toward pleasure and healing.  It is not something that I can break through, because that has to come from the other person and being afraid of pleasure and lose of control is firmly rooted in our society.  lion