Do Women give Sex to their husbands??? WTF Tantra Rant on Sex Negative statements.  

I really hate this little poster. It offends me to my Tantra core.  1-Women don’t give their husband’s sex.  That idea is so retro and stupid it makes my head hurt.

Sex should be a thing, a wonderful thing between two people that want to have sex and enjoy each other’ bodies.  If it is in a marriage it is more important to have sex and have both people hot for each other.  My parents were hot for each other.  It made me think the reason to get married was to be with the person you want to have sex with for the rest of your life.  But sex isn’t a gift a woman gives.  It is a gift between men  and women or women and women or men and men.    I am pretty whatever.  Sex is good and should make you feel good all over. 

Then this silly thing says an active sex life in the context of marriage and makes some silly moral judgement on sex.  It is possible to have an active, healthy, wonderful sex life outside of marriage. 

I like marriage.  I think it is a great way to explore levels of yourself that can’t be done otherwise.  For me marriage wasn’t my deal, but I gave it 25 years.   It didn’t make me happy, but I certainly think I am the exception not the rule.  

This sort of thing and I am going to say it, this sort of shitty advice given to look sex positive while reinforcing sex sterotypyes does not help anyone.  Sex is a gift we give our lover, partner, or spouse out of love and desire, but it is mutual giving and receiving of pleasure for the sake of pleasure.  In a happy union one person doesn’t have control over it.  This poster should read why women should let their passion for their men run wild.  How an active sex life keeps you young and healthy and vital. 

That I can get behind or someone can get behind me and you know sort of drive that message home.  Don’t let old stereotypes ruin sex.  Sex and pleasure is the gift of our bodies to the people we desire and love and crave. 

Tantra: All sexual problems are a result of energy problems

Sexual Energy

All problems we connect to sex: lack of desire, inability to orgasm, erectile dysfunction, premature ejactulation, hyper-sexuality, with-holding, these are problems of energy and inbalance.  

Almost all issue we struggle with come back to sexual energy.  The sexual energy  in our body is the strongest energy we have.  It is creative, if is blissful and it is happiness.  In Elemetal Tantra the fire chakra is at the base of the body surrounding the sexual organs.  It is the energy that motivates us to action.  Just as we are motivated to be with a person we desire and how that passion moves us to take risks.  That same energy is used in other areas of our lives.  However, when our sexual energy is low or not balanced it creates issues.  For men that is issues with ED or PE, and for women it can be lack of desire or inability to orgasm, also an issue for men.  However, all these problems have the same cause and the same cure.  The cure to all sexual problems is to connect with your sexual energy in a healthy, mature manner.  Everyone has struggles in this area, everyone.  One of the issue that resolved for me through Tantra was sexual obsession.  I like sex.  I have great sex.  But I don’t obsess about sex.  It plays an important role in my life, but it isn’t stealing time from other creative pursuits.  Sex is good. Sexual energy that is misaligned or not being used positively will create issue.  Yet, that same energy can cure our sexual problems.  

Natural cures for ED

Can problems with ED be cured naturally?  Yes, and I am going to give 3 natural cures that work to overcome most ED issues.  I hear from men that say they are having ED issues on a fairly regular basis.  So first I want to really define what ED is and what it is not. 

ED is the complete inability to achieve an erection of any kind. There is no notucuranl erections, no morning wood, and the lingam doesn’t respond to stimulation at all.   That is the definition of ED.  When this happens, medical issues have to be ruled out and then the natural cures for ED I will give will help.

However, many men feel they have ED problems when the following happen:

1-When the lingam doesn’t get as firm and hard has when they were young.

2-When there isn’t the pressure to hurry and orgasm or that feeling of lust isn’t as strong.

3-Or when the lingam doesn’t get erect on demand.

Those listed things aren’t ED.  Those are things that happen when sexual energy isn’t being cultivated and used.  

The lingam as with any other part of the body needs proper care to function correctly and produce the strongest orgasms. Also you don’t want an orgasm that is just in the lingam, instead you want an orgasm that floods your entire body with orgasmic bliss.   Maybe that is just me.  However, I am not very staisfied if my orgasm is just located in the pelvis. To me that means it is trapped and I need it to escape so my entire body, down to the last atom is shaking with bliss.  

What are 3 Narural cures for ED?

1-PROPER STIMULATION: This means learning lingam massage techniques that you can use for self pleasuring or that your partner can use.  A 42 year old lingam, can’t be expected to get erect just by the thought of sex.  I don’t get wet just by seeing a handsome man and thinking about sex anymore.  I wish. My yoni needs encouragement, but most men know that about women. The lingam also needs encouragement of the right kind.  The techniques of a healing lingam massage will cure many cases of when erections aren’t as hard as you would like them.  Many men get in the habit of inserting the lingam when it is not fully erect.  Resist this urge and if you lose the erection see it as a time to take a break to engage in foreplay for both of you and then reengage. 

2-BUILDING SEXUAL ENERGY: This is called riding the tiger or walking the razor’s edge.  In porn they have borrowed this Tantra technique and call it edging.  I teach it as the ten stroke.  It is a tantra technique that slowly builds sexual energy in the body.  It works. 

3-EMOTIONS: I am a man…not a machine.  Yes, men have emotions and those emotions when they are not expressed can manifest as problems with sexual energy from lack of desire, inability to orgasm, and inability to have firm hard erections. One of the biggest issues that men face is divorce which causes trauma and feelings of rejection.  Rejection is a very negative feeling and emotion.  This trauma from feeling rejected will cause men to lose the ability to get an erection.  Talking about your feelings to a safe person, writing about them, just acknowledging the fact you feel hurt and rejected will often be enough to proceed to proper stimulation.  

Another emotion many men face is sexual rejection in their marriage.  This is extremely painful.  I know this as I had a withholding husband and I finally reached a point toward the end of our marriage when I could not achieve an orgasm.  It was one reason I became interested in Tantra after my divorce.  Men react by shutting down sexually.  Especially if they love their wives.  They don’t want to cheat and they don’t want to force themselves on a partner they love.  They want to be desired as a sexual beings.   I had a friend say once men  want their dicks adored.  And that is actually reasonable.  I have adored my partner’s dicks or as I like to say now, I put love on the lingam. That constant rejecting and lack of sexual interest by a beloved partner hurts and produces ED issues.  Also going long periods of time without sex  causes ED issues.  It is truly a use it or lose it situation.  When a man is having regular satisfying sex he produces more male hormones. Therefore making sex easier.  By not engaging in sex there is a decrease in male hormones and the muscles around the testicles and anus aren’t being exercised through sexual activity.  Going without sex is not good and results in issues with ED.  It is a vicious cycle that has to be addressed with compassion and honesty.  

If you are interested in particular techniques order my workbook on Natural Cures for ED or if you are in my area text for an appointment

The Male Sex Problem No one talks about.  

I mostly see men, when they have run out of options.  They see me for help with sexual energy. When sexual energy isn’t flowing correctly it shows up in serveral ways.

 1- inability to get or sustain an erection.

2-premature ejaculation.

 3-lack of intensity during orgasms

4-the one no one talks about.  The inabilty to orgasm 

No one talks about this ever.  Yet, it impacts the lives of many men.  I knew of this before I began practicing Tantra, but I was shocked at how many men came to me with this problem.  It was baffling to me and it was an aspect of male sexuality I wasn’t trained in and honestly didn’t understand.  

I really had to think about it.  Look things up.  Then I thought back to my own sex life.  I remembered a time when I struggled to achieve orgasm.  I remember how frustrating it was to me as I had always been able to have fast hard orgasms, with a partner or without.  It was during my divorce and about a year after my divorce. I believe it was directly related to my emotional state.  I was too stressed to relax enough to have an orgasm. 

I don’t think this is true of men.  This is based solely on my work experience.  The men I have seen with this issue are struggling with intimacy.  Literally they don’t want to share their pleasure with partner or give them something of themselves ( semen).  This is very true with younger men who have random partners.  

Older men are a bit different in that they have relayed on porn or certain memories and fethishes to get them over the edge.  Then at a certain age these things no longer work.  But in this case there is also a disconnect from their partner.  

It is something no one seems to acknowledge or talk about because there is an assumption the longer a man can go the better it is, but that is not actually true .  It is frustrating for both partners.  

The solution is relatively simple and as with everything Tantra is about using sexual ebetgy in a more productive manner that has intention and is focused on pleasure and being present and connected.  Also as I do not want to give random sex a bad name,  even in random partners we should seek out moments of intimacy. 

Travel, Boise and Tantra

 

Home Temple

I feel strongly about what I do.  I feel strongly about my qualifications and intergrity.  When I work in Pocatello I see 1 or 2 people a day.  The reason is I want to give 110%.  I often don’t know why someone comes to see me.  Some might just be looking for the pleasure of Tantra others are searching for more in the terms of healing and compassion.  And there are times when I am sort of the gal of last resort.  

I don’t find this difficult in home office.  I have a very safe and clear space to work in.  I am very attached to it.  I also work to provide good energy.  This is not only for my benefit but for my clients.  I want them to feel safe, comfortable, sensual.  Since I began doing Tantra I have traveled to Boise, and when I had a beautiful mid-century apartment to work from it was prefect, but since the houses the 1sold it has been less than prefect and I have grown more demanding of my environment.  

Also by seeing a full schedule of people I don’t think I do my best work.  I am not giving 100%. I am not practicing dharma.  I am not in alignment with the universe. So until the foreseeable future I won’t be traveling to Boise for work.