A response to a question and a hearty thank you

imagesJBJEU7TMFirst I want to thank everyone for getting me off to a great start. It was been an awesome week for me.  My clients have all been the best.  I got to teach one of the elemental mediations, and for the first time it really took hold. It felt amazing to me.  I think it really was the act of teaching it to someone that made me completely feel it.  It was just the best.  Anyway, I have used blogger for years but this is my first time with WordPress and I want to thank Blue Host for setting me up with this site.  However, it is an upward learning curve with the site and getting a new phone set up and dealing with a temporary phone that is terrible.

One of my first contacts was from a man that felt he had a sexual addiction. Then while going through my questions I came across this one.

“I need to be happy and act out all my fantisies on one women , but I can’t be happy with just one girl. I’m a perve and I like everything but I can’t seem to find a girl that does so I just keep looking . I use a girl and play with her tell her limits are reached and just move on to the next one . I’m tired of breaking there hearts and only using girls for sex . What do I need to do”

I believe this is an honest questions from a person that is truly concerned about how his sexual behavior is impacting others and especially women he has feeling about. To me the heart of the question is why am I not happy with one person?  Why can’t that person be all that I need in bed.

First, I want to say that liking everything doesn’t make anyone a perve. As long as sex is with a consenting adult nothing is forbidden. It is a matter of taste.  For example, I like cowboy boots.  I have a entire closet full of cowboy boots and I plan to purchase more.  There are women that would not be caught dead wearing cowboy boots.  On the other hand,  me wearing cowboy boots inspired my best friend to buy a pair for herself.  Sex is like that.  Some people love oral sex and others do not.  Sometimes it is because they have not had a good experience with oral sex, but sometimes it is just because they do not like oral sex.  I personally didn’t like oral sex for most of my life because I had not experienced good oral sex.  When I did experience good oral sex it changed my feelings and increased my pleasure. However, it is still not my favorite sexual activity and it never will be.  That is a matter of sexual taste and we all have things that we like more than others.

Secondly, I think being curious is  a wonderful trait.  Being willing to explore and engage in different types of sex and positions is fun.  Some people are more highly sexual than others and it is important to them to explore and act out their fantasies.  That is a good thing.  So those  are the good things.  Now for the less than good things or at least more difficult things.

Girls like sex too and they like a wide variety of sex.   What often happens is that early on women  are taught that only bad girls, sluts like sex so if they like it that makes them a slut or a bad girl and they feel shame.   Also girls, women don’t ask for what they want because they don’t know how to ask for what they want. Since I don’t know other people’s sex life as well as my own I tend to fall back on my experiences and I hope you forgive that bit of self disclosure.  I fantasized about anal play from a young age, but never had a partner that even suggested it.  There was no way in hell the 18 year old me was going to bring that up.  I didn’t know how; I thought I was a freak, and no one acted interested. So when someone did finally ask I was all about that.  My mantra became , “fuck me up my ass.” However, if I hadn’t found someone that asked I probably would not have asked.  I know from myself and my close male friends that women are freaky and we really do want too please our partners so we will try almost everything.

The point is ask in a polite and non threatening way.  There are men that think if they get the woman really excited they can spring some new things on her.  This seldom works and often back fires as the woman feels tricked. Bring up what you want at an appropriate time. When you are alone and being serious and affectionate and there is a level of closeness. “Hey, I really get excited thinking about ??? Could  you please think about it.  Maybe it is something we could try if you want to?” Don’t put pressure on her.  Rmember how many women love Fifty Shades of Grey, we are freaks, we’re super freaky.  And I am throwing this in here because I don’t know where else to address it.  Men don’t use women for sex.  If a woman is willing and you are also and you both enjoy yourselves no one is getting used.  Women aren’t that fragile. We don’t get out hearts broke that often.  One way to avoid feeling guilt is to be honest about your feelings.  Don’t say you love someone to get sex.  Don’t tell a women or man that your love them when you don’t.  It is dishonest and people will get hurt.  When you know you don’t love someone tell them so they can  stop investing their heart and emotions into you.

On to the last bit.  If you want to get freaky in bed then you better find another person on your sexual level.  This is just from my personal experience and from observation.  Often highly sexual people are concerned at some level that we are too freaky.   So unconsciously we pick partners that put a brake on us.  We seek out a partner that will control our sex drive because we don’t think we can.  If I had found a partner as freaky and as willing as me what would happen? Often your partner wants to do things with you, but won’t just because they know you like them and it is a way to control you.

I am not sure if that answers your question, but being sexual and curious is not wrong or bad. It is good, and you should be glad to have a high sex drive.  As for romantic partners be honest, be open, and express your desires in a honest polite manner.  images3K85I98G

 

 

About jill_111@msn.com

writer, yoga, cowboy boots, Vikings, sex, Tantra, enlightenment, dogs, hounds, grand bleu
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