One of the things I hear most from my clients is that I have an amazing touch. I appreciate that comment very much. And I always say thank you and express my gratitude. Even though I have heard it a lot since I was rather young, it still means a great deal to me personally and professionally. It is a wonderful compliment, but it got me thinking what is so amazing about my touch. I have very average hands, very. Also they are not very strong. So it has nothing to do with any physical attributes I have or ever had.
My touch is connected to something else and that is the desire to heal or bring pleasure and by pleasure I do not mean orgasm, but the pleasure of being touched in a mindful and present way. To touch in a way that is accepting and meditative. Mindfulness in the simplest of terms is to be aware of your intention, to be clear of intruding ideas or thoughts, to suspend judgment, and to be totally and completely present. A mindful touch is full of compassion and love, not romantic love( but that certainly can be part of it) but love as a way of life. As soon as I touch someone in my work I try to connect with their energy. That might take a bit, so I do not rush that process or try to push forward. I have been working at this for about a year and practicing Tantra for about 10 years. In that year of working I have had 1 person I was not able to connect with and the reason was he had expectations of the session that were not going to happen. I do not bring expectations. I do not have an agenda. I am not trying to heal myself by helping others. And you might ask how does that relate to my sex life?
Frist, it is important to touch the other person with respect, compassion and love. This does not mean you can’t get dirty, or naughty in fact just the opposite as it is easier to let go with someone you trust, and have respect for and can extend compassion and love. There is a real fear of sex in this world, when it is the most creative and pleasurable things you can do. Sex is not dirty, it is not wrong, it is a sacred act of creation. Secondly think of sex as a positive life giving act that is a precious form of communication.
Third fall deeply into your body and enjoy yourself. To do that you have to be present. For example and please excuse me for using myself. I was massaging a clients hands and looking at his fingers and he asked, “What are you thinking?” I said, “Nothing, I am mindful of your hand, but I am not thinking about anything.” The nice thing about becoming mindful is the realization you do not need to be using your brain every moment. It can rest. And when you need it to do something that includes thinking use it then. During sex there doesn’t need to be thinking, There needs to be peace and presence and relaxation and love. I am not talking love forever and ever, but love and a feeling of connection and compassion for your partner that is transmitted in a mindful touch. And honest Tantra communication. Ask with love what you can do to bring more pleasure to your partner and tell them with honesty and love what they can do to give you more pleasure. Good sex, fulfilling sex is just as much as about receiving as giving.
I date a lot well, I used to date a lot. In variably, at some point the guy, the man, the datee, would ask what I like most about sex. My response would always be I don’t understand the question. Sex is different every time or should be and what was wonderful one night might not be fun Monday afternoon. And what you loved about one person might not work with another. However, once that hurtle of judgment and expectations is overcome, sex becomes a more organic and fulfilling experience. When you add mindfulness the touch shared is amazing.