It is hard to believe, I know, but some people live without sex! A lot of married people live without sex! And they tell me they love the other person and get along great. I hear this from men I have dated, my friends, acquaintances, clients sometimes, but I would never write about my clients. I love my kids and my siblings and my friends, but I do not have sex with them and I wouldn’t live with them. I would only be married if I was married to a person I wanted to have sex with for the rest of my life. That is why we get married to experience intimacy on a level we can’t with others and that extra thing that makes a marriage worthwhile is sex. I have heard many explanations and not one as made sense or seemed truthful or honest.
I admit I am sensitive on this subject as I had a stalker for 8 years. 8 years!! I knew he was crazy as I am not that hot that a person would have fantasies about me for 25 years and then stalk me for another 8. It was not flattering it was deeply disturbing. This was a person I had known since 4th grade and thought of as a good friend. We dated briefly the summer before I went to college and other than a few kisses our relationship wasn’t sexual. Somehow he grew unhappy with his wife and she stopped wanting sex and he developed this elaborate fantasy about me. We were going to get married, honeymoon at the Black Swan Inn, go camping together, pan for gold and have all this great sex he had been waiting for all his life.
Honestly I was stunned when he revealed it to me. And he talked about all this hot sex we had together. I didn’t remember having sex with him so I called a friend that I have also known since 4th grade and asked her if I had sex with Leo. (made up name). She said no, and I gave a reason I rather not reveal as it was typical and shallow as I was an 18-year-old girl and used to dating athletic college boys. . What was reinforced in this talk was that men often get stuck in the past remembering old sexual experiences and they are make them more intense every time they think of them and masturbate or get erect. If we reinforce a memory with pleasure it becomes stronger and we look back on the past with desire and compare it to the present. The present is found lacking.
The past is not real life. It is like my boobs. I have pretty good boobs, but at 16 I had spectacular boobs. Honestly, I would stare at them for hours. I don’t compare my boobs to those amazing perky breasts I had at sixteen and you can’t compare feelings you had when you are pumped up with mating hormones of a young person to what you feel after life sets in say between 38 and 46.
Life changes us.
My stalker had a sexless marriage. I asked why as I knew his wife and she liked sex when I knew her. “Leo” said she had changed after her babies. Something happened with her parts.
And I am going like what? Did she prolapse? Okay, it was the only thing I could think of that could keep a woman from having sex.
He said, the doctor’s cut her, she is very small. Body size and vagina size are not related. Just like body size and penis size aren’t related. Plus, in the old days the doctor’s cut everyone so you didn’t tear because they were too lazy to wait and let you naturally stretch to let the baby out. I have been seen a natural childbirth and can tell everyone that the yoni is amazing. It is very sturdy. So this idea of something happening during childbirth and some mystery problem of the yoni didn’t really add up for me.
Then Leo added, he was too much of a gentleman to press for sex. This is more psychology than Tantra, but it is the truth. So here it is—
Sex and intimacy are basic needs of our bodies. If you are not having sex you are denying yourself and your partner what your body was made for. You are not being a gentleman by living in a sexless marriage. You are not doing your partner a favor by letting her live without sex. It is bad for the yoni. It will atrophy and she will have issues with infections and incontinence. And as a man living sexless you will have problems with erections, and depression. Our bodies are created for pleasure. There is no limit to the amount of pleasure you can feel. I don’t have the same sexual function as when I was 16 or 36 or 46 but I have better orgasms then I have ever had in my life. I feel more pleasure sexually and non- sexually than I ever had. Also I am happy with how I look and my health and I owe a lot of that to yoga and Tantra.
Some too good genes