One of the most baffling things to me is the experience of guilt. If something is going to make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t do it. On the other hand if you are going to do it, don’t feel guilty about it because guilt will not make anything better. In fact, I believe a lot of men like to feel guilty as proof they are a good person. Man: “I feel bad so I must be a good boyfriend or husband or worker or father or son or whatever.” Feeling bad about doing something that goes against your moral boundaries doesn’t make you a good person. Feeling bad about your behaviors only builds up a lot of stress in the body, closes or blocks channels of energy, and when you get to be 60 or so or even 50 makes you more predisposed to ED if you are a man. We will talk about women tomorrow as that is more related to pent up resentment.
However, back to guilt. All those bad feeling collect. The guilt, the self loathing, the bitterness collect in the root chakra or fire chakra and form a block of energy and the sexual energy is trapped and it manifests as ED. The desire is there, the lust is there, but the ability to connect with the fire energy of the lingam has been blocked. The lingam is not a separate part of the body. It does not think for itself. It is intimately connected with the heart and the mind. One reason men in particular have such vivid recollections of their teenage years and the girls or women, boys or men, that roused them to erections is that the channel between the fire chakra and air charka of the heart and the water chakra of the mind is open and the energy flows effortlessly. And that person or image connects with the imagination and inspires feelings of lust or love or admiration. It is the fact all the senses are engaged and the flow of energy to the lingman and back up the central channel is free and open.
Certainly for some this is not true. People that have come from a very strict religious backgrounds where self pleasuring or natural sexual expression is seen as bad and sinful can develop an early block; often not ever seeking out basic knowledge about sex and their own bodies or experimenting in relationships or in marriage. Then in the mid years it becomes apparent something elusive is missing, the experience of sex is not meaningful or loses its shine. And erections and even orgasms are more difficult to achieve and when they are there is a muffled quality to them. Then a man or a woman feels as if something is lost, or missed. However rather than looking inward the gaze is always outwards. A different person will bring back those delicious feelings of newness and sexual ecstasy. Different sexual positions or acts will bring more pleasure. I really need to do this or need to do that to have sexual satisfaction and that does work to an extent, but leaves the person constantly chasing the idea that something new will satisfy them or arouse them. By constantly looking for something more or different is to miss out on the experience. I have dated a lot and I have had sex with quite a few men and a question I have heard fairly consistently over the last decade is what do you like most, and then I give really good oral, or I like to do this to a woman. As a woman I am not here to be any man’s fantasy or to have things done to me. Our own bodies are the place to achieve pleasure to be able to include another is a gift but they are not an object to stimulate or to be used as toy for our own arousal. Sex between people requires equal pleasure and consent. And the goal should not be just an orgasm, but pleasure and sustained pleasure will always result in an orgasm.
To wrap this up, the reason everyone likes orgasms so much is that the boundaries of our mind and body dissolve and the energy of life and the universe flows freely through our bodies. And in that time we have a feeling of oneness with our partner or the universe and if we are really lucky both.