I was actually going to go online and find a post for today as my creativity is low. However, what I found about sex and mindfulness was really bad. They quoted Annie Sprinkles and it is no that I donot like Annie Sprinkles it is just not the person I would look to for ideas about mindfulness. Plus the article was not very well written, and it was one of those sites that take 5 minutes to load because it is full of advertisement. And I do not mind advertisement, just not that much advertisement.
Sex is any activity we engage in for the purpose of satisfying a sexual desire or need. Some might say massage is then sexual, but touch is a need that is not sexual but human. We are born with a need for touch. Some of us learn that the only way to get touch is through being sexual, but touch is motivated by our humanness. Sex on the other is also a human need and not one that is wrong or dirty of bad. Sex is inherently good. Sex is about want, desire and shared sexual activity. I grew up in a religion that defined sex strictly by sexual penetration by a man’s penis in a woman’s vagina. Therefore people justified sexual behavior as not sex because there had been no vaginal penetration by the penis. There is a whole lot more that goes into sex than just that. Sex includes mutual touching, emailing, flirting, skyping, FaceTime, sexting, dirty talk, and being emotionally sexual with a person. This does not include activities done to for other purposes. I may email my friend to discuss the sex I am having with someone and I am confiding this because I need his help or advice. That is not sex it is conversation. When I open an email from a lover telling me with he wants to do with me and how badly he wants to be with me, that is sex. I view sex holistically as a set of emotional and physical behaviors.
Mindfulness is almost the except opposite of how most of us are living moment to moment The TV is on, you are checking your phone, and half listening to a family member or friend. The attention of your mind is spread out and not focused on anything and everything at the same time. The opposite is being hyper focused on a task to the point of not being aware of the outside world. Distraction and being overly focused are both the opposite of mindfulness. Mindfulness is the state of mind where the task being performed is fully taking up the mind, but without the stress of focus. For example, when I am washing my tea cup. I am washing my tea cup not thinking about anything but I am aware of the water, the towel, the cup and my surroundings. Outside thoughts are not intruding on my task nor an I obsessively washing the tea cup. Mindfulness is awareness without intruding thoughts and the act of being fully present in whatever we are doing from taking out the trash, to listening, yo the having sex.
I will say that I sort of hate the positive thought parade. I have been defined as being negative my entire life when in fact I was being realistic. The last time I was called negative was when I voiced concerns about getting a good night’s sleep because of being in a strange mattress at a yoga retreat. At least 5 people yelled at me that I should think what a welcoming bed I had and how I would sleep like a baby. What I voiced was a legitimate concern about my sleep. I was bombarded with what I term wishful thinking and inauthentic speaking. Being positive isn’t saying the universe is on my side. Life isn’t Stars Wars. Positivity is more deeply rooted in the idea of being okay with yourself and with others and withholding judgments. It is the belief that the world is more good than bad and that everything is going to be okay, because everything is going to be okay.
Tomorrow how mindful sex is the best sex.