I am contacted for help about sex. Several of the issues are lack of intensity, taking longer to get aroused and difficulty sustaining arousal. Those things happen when your mind is still working on a young persons mindset. For men it is wanting an instant erection and a overpowering urge for release. For woman, it is viewing sex as something I give men and they are there to satisfy me so the atttention is on me. Also I had a friend say I wish men could still just look at me and get erect. Men can’t count on that and neither can women.
An example of this is the man who isn’t fit, but puts pressure on his wife to stay fit so she continues to arrouse him by his teenage boy standards. It is the reason many men are sexually drawn to small women with teen bodies. I am not making a judgement. As it is pretty common knowledge I like young men. A lot. That is my struggle and I can understand the issues trying to move to a more mature perspective.
To have great sex and experience orgasms that move beyond the pelvic region there has to be a shift in conciouness. Sex can’t be fixed on the goal of finishing or on getting the woman off. It can’t be focused on looks alone. It can’t be done like you are 16.
Does this mean sex isn’t good as we age. Hell no, orgasms can be more intense, pleasure more fulfilling, intimacy greater. Everything can get better.
To accomplish this there has to be a shift in consciousness from friction sex to tantric sex. Tantric sex isn’t goal oriented. Tantric sex strives for pleasure, presence and intimacy. In a session before I touch anyone I am committed to showing compassion and acceptance as part of my tantric practice. At the very least, that should be what you offer your partner who you love or have affection for. Does that mean you don’t get nasty. Hell no, get nasty, slap that ass. But stay in your body not in your mind. Your body is made to feel and your mind is always trying to shut that down. Stay with the breath and sink deep into the pleasure of your body.