One aspect of Tantra that I am really trying to work on is the art of communication. I value honesty and honest communication. But to be honest sometimes my honest communication is just rude. So this is an area of work for me. What I think is very valuable is that I offer a time and space when a person can be completely honest about their sexual concerns. I take my job as a coach, counselor, teacher seriously and I to not betray confidences or talk about my clients. So when a person does lie to me about somethings that is absolutely not worth lying about, it throws me. Plus it is not helpful to the person I am in session with. That lie stands between getting honest help and getting help based on a falsehood. Help based on a falsehood is not help at all and will not feel like help and will not resonate within your body as something beneficial.
It is similar to the woman who lies about having an orgasm. When she figures out how to orgasm how does she tell her partner, who thinks she has been having orgasms all the time ? It is catch 22 and the main reason lies and dishonesty are so harmful, but especially in the bedroom and intimate relationships or friendships or professional relationships. Dishonesty and falsehoods are just harmful, but mostly to ourselves.
For example if I need something in bed and I am not getting it that unmet even unspoken need puts a wall between me and my partner. It may be an unspoken and invisible wall, but it is still a wall. And it still creates barriers rather than building intimacy. And that needs becomes a huge issue of unspoken and unresolved conflict. And here is where a lesson from Tantra comes into play. It encourages us to ask for what we want and need in bed and in life. The catch is that we are to ask with love and compassion. Once our needs are framed in love the other person is more likely to want to meet our needs. This is not manipulation. It is s technique of communication. Tantra provides techniques.
I spent years demanding sex from my ex-husband. I could have said, “I love you and I want to share that love by making love to you.” However that would have been dishonest. I should have said, “Can you please listen to me and understand I am speaking from my heart, I need sex to validate my femaleness. I need sex because it is an important part of my identity. However, I do not love you and it feels like just sex to me and if we can’t make love, I believe we should consider ending this relationship.” That sounds just a little too honest. However, that honesty would have saved me tens years of unhappiness. Plus at that time I would have sought out another marriage and perhaps found the soulmate that has eluded me. But instead I choose dishonesty and the person it most hurt was me.
If you have session with me be honest. I can help you more through honesty than any other way. Be honest and open with your partners and friends and people in general and ask for what you want and do it with love. My religious background taught me to lie, mostly to myself about what I wanted. What lifts me up in Tantra is the technique of honesty in communication and asking for what is truly in my heart and doing that with compassion,
Peace out my bed awaits, jill