Some of those in Tantra view sex as the most creative act we engage in over our lifetime. How can a thing like sex be creative. Outside of procreation, sex connects us directly to our body and life energy in a way nothing else does. I realize many, hopefully not too many, have sex the same way every time and do not spend more than 10 or 15 minutes having sex and actually say, ” I just want to get it done.” I know I have heard many people say it. I have had friends say it to me, and partners and clients. My gut reaction to that comment is one of sadness. Sex is not something you just want to get done. Sex is a five course meal with fine wine, and many people act as if they are eating a big Mac at McDonalds with soda by rushing through things, doing what you know will get our partner off in the least amount of time, and rolling over and going to sleep or jumping up and taking off. So what should sex feel and look like?
Sex should feel great. It should fell like every cell in your body is pulsing with pleasure and at its best it should feel like you are one with the universe and there is no barrier between you and the light of the universe. This can only happen if you channel the sexual energy of your fire chakra which rests in your pelvis up through your earth chakra, your space chakra, your air chakra to your water chakra which rests in your brain. That pulsing energy is diffused through your entire body, awakening all your senses, and giving you a glimpse of enlightenment or heaven. That is what good sex should feel like. If you only feel sex primarily in the lingman or yoni and it is a short and hard release with tensing of the legs and calves and feet, your energy has been blocked and is being held in the fire chakra. The energy is not moving up through the body or without enough stimulation a strong sexual charge has not been built up. Sex should feel like you have just achieved enlightenment and your entire body is alive and vital.
What should sex look like? Sex can take many forms from self pleasuring to mutual pleasuring to penetration to oral stimulation to anal stimulation between loving partners or sexual partners or friends of the same sex or different sexes. It can include one person or many people. I am constantly surprised by sex. I am constantly surprised at what sex looks like to me. The more openness we can bring to sex and the less we focus on expectations the happier our sex lives will be. If I had gotten stuck with what sex looked like to me at 16, I would have had very little sex in my life, very little. If I had not been able to move past my physical expectations of what my partner looked like I would have stopped having sex at 18 and for sure by 40. I will p0st a picture of basically what I wanted on the physical side and to be completely honest I cared very little about personal qualities and I had very little ability to feel intimate on a sexual level. The men just had to be hot, and it has taken me a long time to reach a point where I only want to have sex with a person I am intimate with. And that has been my Tantra journey and what I have gained.
Note on Chakras: The chakra system I touched on is for Tibetan Tantra and does not correspond with the Indian Chakra system.