This is a subject that is important to me and yet has the possibility of offending people. And since it is not my goal to offend people I approach the topic with hesitancy. What I want to dicuss is healing and Tantra and sex. It is true Tantra does heal and the healing works takes place in the fire chakra or genitile region as that is where we store our trauma and pain. When the body has a lot of trauma from rejection, to injury, to past abuse, it will shut down sexual responses. This can lead to difficulty getting and maintaining an erection, lack of intensity during orgasms or a general lack of interest in sex. Often men will notice a change in erections around the age of 37 to 46. They mention that it takes longer to get erect and they don’t seem as firm and the actual orgasm is less intense. That is what I see and have studied. Then in a slightly older group of men 56 to 64 I hear that they have difficulty getting maintaining erections and often they are unable to maintain a firm erection to engage in sex. This is accompanied by weak orgasms. Another problem I see is younger men that have difficulty having an orgasm.
I am going to address these issues by age:
21 to 30 year old men who can’t orgasm. This seems to be directly connected with intimacy and emotional connection. Men aren’t sex machines and can’t perform on command so often hook-up sex fueled by booze often won’t provide satisfying sex and orgasm can be delayed. This is an issue the resolves when a satisfying emotional partnership is formed. Relaxation and breathing techniques help also having knowledge of human sexuality, sexual responses, and sexual anatomy. I can remember my ex husband when we first married thought women peed from the vaginia. He was oblivious to female anatomy. This can and does present problems for young men. A man needs to know his way around the yoni.
37 to 46 year old men with a change in erections and lose of intensity. An emotional issue is that men tend to compare everything to their sexual response at 16 to 20. This period of time is an anomaly in sexual function. The youthful body is flush with hormones and it is like a birth into sexuality. Everything is new and overwhelming. Emotions and sexual responses are intensified. Erections are plentiful and spontaneous. Usually men learn to orgasms quickly and intensely with little integration of the complete body or as I often point out the lingam was the focal point of pleasure and orgasms. However, this is not a productive way to approach adult sex. Adult sex requires foreplay, extended stimulation of the entire body and in particular of the yoni and lingam, but it needs to be the right sort of stimulation. An openness to new ideas, new ways of viewing sex will generally intensity orgasms and often lead to full body orgasms. And if good sexual communication skills haven’t been learned this is the time for that to occur. Health also impacts sex and this is the time to develop healthy habits or drinking enough water, engaging in deep breathing, exploring a spiritual path or purpose to life and exercise and a healthy weight. Also some men won’t notice any change. It is also a good time to have male hormone levels checked. And not to rely on a doctor that says you are within range. The range is huge and you want to be on the upper end. Sexually you should be experimenting and enjoying full body orgasms.
- 56 to 64 year old men with a lose of desire or living a life void of sex. This is generally my most challenging group. For 2 reasons. 1) They have very rigid ideas about sex and how to have an orgasm. They have often been using a fantasy from their youth to fuel the desire for masterbation. 2) Because of the lack of sex they have lost the ability to experience pleasure. This is not true of even 15% of the men in this age group. Most are as functional and have as much desire as 30 year old men. However, for the men having issues in this age group it is focused on the inability to become fully erect and to maintain the erection and also orgasms that lack intensity. Once again these are totally normal reactions to what we have learned about sex. Unfortunately, most of what we have learned is negative and inaccurate. Holding your breath straining like you are going to have a bowl movement is not going to produce a good orgasm. It won’t. There is an idea that this is how your orgasms happened when you were young, but that is also inaccurate. Your body was at the peak of health the orgasm virtually flowed out while you took deep full breaths. Instead of remembering those complete full breaths the mind remembers the muscular tension, which was really youthful strength. Plus if the person has been living many years without sex the pleasure of tantric touch can be overwhelming and the body is overloaded and can’t take it in. It is not like when a person is young. Lust desire can override a lot of things. However, if a person has spent years ignoring his or her sexual needs that had built up a lot of trauma in the body and spirit. It is not healthy to be celibate for extended periods of time. It is a use it or lose it thing.
- Erections can be an issue, but unless there is an underlying health issue that is because of lack of direct stimulation of the lingam. It needs to be adored and love on.
- Tantra provides answers for all these issues and produces full body orgasms and engagement.