Osho on Love

Osho3 Sometimes that love comes as love of self and love of life. Life sometimes doesn’t bring us romantic love we can maintain.  That doesn’t mean there isn’t love in your life.  I have more love in my life as a single person than I ever did married. There is nothing more lonely than living with a person you don’t love and who doesn’t truly love you.  

Questions and Totality

My frame of mind is not good.  I relasped and went on a date. I was not too bad until the 4th mojtio then I could not pretend any longer.  I had to be me.

The truth is when I am working with people,  I am my best me.   When working with people one on one or in a large groups where I am talking or when I have sex, I am in my zone.  That is not really the point of this post. Michael Parkes - Petrouchkas dreamI am not my best me when I feel judged or someone is angry at me or if I feel I am not respected for the person I am.  In these situations I don’t think anyone is their best me. I don’t.  None of us like to be judged, no one likes anger pointed at them and no one likes feeling that their opinions and feelings are not respected.  None of us like to feel invisible or not truly seen.  As humans we have a natural desire to be known, to be understood.  This comes out when we are adolescents as being different than our parents and calling attention to ourselves by the way we dress and talk and do our hair, however we still want the acceptance of our peers so we look like them and not our parents.

That is a driving force of most people is the need to be understood especially at our most intimate times.  There are men and women that go through their entire lives not expressing their true selves.  This is painful and these people have such a deep seated dissatisfaction with life that the main feeling others pick up from them is anger or discomfort.  Many of  these people are like my brother who firmly believes there is a place in the future where he will be happy and healthy and having a great relationship with his wife, or my ex high school boyfriend who thinks we will be together when we are 70 and having great sex.  I believe I will be having great sex at 70, however I believe my ex high school boyfriend will be dead from his bad heart and total lack of self care.  And the difference is Tantra and totality.   I am totally in or I am totally out. There is no religion no philosophy that recommends half heartedness.  Back to my ex high school boyfriend.  He has been married 40 years to a woman he didn’t whole heartedly love, who didn’t give him the sex or affection he carved.  Is that her fault?  No it is not.  He never voiced his needs in a way she could hear. That putting off, that looking to the future to be happy that is not going to happen.  If you are not happy in the present moment you aren’t happy anywhere.

So my date just looks past me, because I am 59.  He is the same age, but wants someone young and pretty and less complex than me. So he begins our date with a 30 minute dissertation on his health issues.  And ends it with the comment he needs 2 Viagra to get an erection.  He has a pacemaker and that is asking for a heart attack.  Because I walk through life in a sort of blessed state anymore, which even my most hardened friends recognize, my best and hottest bartender was working and he kept the mojitos rolling plus he made me laugh until I said enough I am going home.  And I did. Then things went sideways and I slipped into old habits that I am not going to discuss.  The point is we are happiest being exactly who we are without pretense and without barriers.  The other point is we are happiest in the present. The future is an unknown for anyone no matter how much you save no matter how much you plan.

As far as questions.  The main thing I am asked is if I am involved. I am not even sure what the hell that even means.  However, I can say I am sexual.  I do things that make me happy.  I am good.  And that is all I want to reveal. Michael_Parkes_05

Guru’s, and those that search for answers

This post is what I call the never ending post.  It began one way, I changed it, and I then lost it and so I am beginning again.  I then got sick with a cold, something I have not had in years, and then left the post again while I drank fluids, and hot tea and chicken soup because I am old fashioned like that.  So 3 days since I started this I am hopefully going to see it through to the end.  images34W40GT1

I wanted to discuss the idea of knowledge, and seeking help.  In an ever complex world that is more and more cut off from the natural world and natural rhythms of life, as humans we are left with a lot of questions.  Also as people turn from organized religion for more personal paths of spirituality there is dissonance.  The end results is there are a lot of people seeking something more.  In my case that more is more sexual pleasure and I am qualified to provide help in this area.  I have techniques that have been taught to me and they do work to increase the pleasure of sex and also to increase intimacy with a partner.  They aren’t tricks.  I also do not pretend to have all the answers and maintain good boundaries when I work with people. I look at others and I am continually surprised by the searching people are doing for answers and I am also very disheartened by people that try to step up and put themselves in a position of authority over others.

I have been unfortunate to have been in contact with people who want to be a guru of some kind.  My neighbor considered herself a spiritual leader and practiced a combination of magic, chakras, crystals and rituals and yoga.  Once she decided that a corner of my yard would make a good mediation garden and painted a chakra thing on my fence.  There are many types of chakra systems.  I learned the Tibetan Tantra system and there are many others, but this chakra thing on my fence looked like a penis of many colors.  She clearly had no idea what she was doing.  She is like many people I know.  They read a bit about this, skim a internet article or two, go to a class and pick up bits and pieces of information that do not form a concise basis of knowledge and get filled with the idea they are here to save the rest of us from ourselves.  And there are plenty of us wandering around wondering what the hell is going on?

However, this type of searching does leave people open to guru mentality.  And I would define guru mentality as the need to see others as possessing a skill set or knowledge that will answer your own questions.   This doesn’t means the guru has to be particularly well known or nationally known.  It can be the neighborhood yoga teacher that comes to her class with an attitude of wanting to be admired or be held in position of teacher and her class as accolades.  It is about perceiving yourself as apart from those you teach.   It is dangerous.   It is dangerous to the person that sees themselves as a self styled guru and it is dangerous to people looking for help.

I had a friend in high school.  We had a group of 4 friends in high school.  We were smart, attractive, but sort of quirky so we didn’t really fit in with the popular girls or anyone, but we hung out with everyone and had a good time.  One friend never quite fit in, she was a little odd looking, her home life was not ideal and she didn’t get things.  More than anything she wanted to fit in and be accepted, not by us because we didn’t care, but by others.  Fast forward several decades.  She is now a fitness guru, because all her time has been devoted to staying fit.   And she seems to know about this and taken classes on it and is certified and as far as I can tell doesn’t give anyone advice that would be harmful.  Lately she has been holding seminars on marriage,  finances  and how to make your life peachy keen.  I am less oaky with this as a sense  a deeper need in her to be admired and considered successful in these areas.  And I know of nothing that has made her more or less successful in these fields than anyone else nor does she have any special training in these fields.  Instead she will say things like I have read the bible 4 times and understand God’s plan.    I have read Lord of the Rings 6 times and  The Silmarillion twice and guess what? still not an elf or a hobbit .images88FOLNS2

I can count the times I have been given good advice by people.   Two times.

1-There is always a quick solution to every problem and it is usually the wrong one !

2-The best guru you will ever meet is the one inside of you.

This can be translate to mean look into your own heart, you know what is best for you and follow your heart.  Then don’t expect a problem to be solved overnight that has taken 10 years to develop.  My advice is do not look to other people to solve your problems. No person has all the answer.  Look at Oprah,  all the diets in the world and she is still fat.  She wants to be seen as a guru, plus she likes to look for gurus to fix her own problems.  Look for people that want to work with you on whatever problem you are having.  I believe in facilitating change and learning.  I am here in a supportive position not in a  position of authority or to be admired or holding on to superior knowledge.   This is how I was taught at Bennington and I believe it to be the best possible way to learn. I was not in the same place as my teachers, but they wanted to lift me up and I wanted to be lifted up.  It was a mutual experience.  And one of my most important experiences as far as learning, understanding people and the world and as a base of future knowledge.   That is the  experience I hope to duplicate.