Tantra teaches us to be whole; it teaches acceptance and unity.  The gift it gives is not just great sex, but the ability to be 100% present in your day to day life.  And that gift means you are present with your partner during sex and whe ever you are together, the busy worried mind is no more.


Learning Tantra can be a difficult process. I have simplified that process into 3 major components that covers the fullness and beauty of Tantra.

1-The philopshy and the history are taught along with the major sutras. This from the foundation of Tantra and to be successful in making changes these need to be learned. Each lesson comes with exercises and activities to reinforce the principles of Tantra.

2-The sacred Tibetan Healing Meditations. These are not readily available and they bring deep healing to the body and presence and peace to the mind. They calm the over busy mind.

3-The Fun Stuff: Sex, Intimacy, the Lingam and Yoni Massage. You learn Tantric Touch, Tantric Communication based on Non Violent Communication several different wants to move sex energy through the body to experience higher degrees of pleasure. Plus how to have a full body orgasm and turn sex into a sacred bonding experience.

$179.99 Bonus. A Couple workbook with 7 days of pleasure and intimacy exercises.

Get what you want in bed?

tantraWhen people learn that do Tantra I am often asked about sex. I wonder why? A lot of times men want to know how to get more of what they need in bed.  Maybe more oral, more stimulation, even more kissing, anal, bondage.

I have the answer.  It is really quite simple.   You ask.  You don’t demand, you don’t manipulate, you don’t bargain.  You ask honestly and politely. For example, “I noticed that you like it when I give you oral sex.  I really love you and want us to be intimately connected and honestly I would like oral sex.  What can I do to make it pleasurable for you?   Can I be cleaner?  Can I lay still and just let you pleasure me?

Most women have issue with oral sex for 3 reasons:  1-Manly smell 2-thrusting into the mouth and gagging. 3- fear of ejaculation in the mouth.

These are things women don’t like and will cause them not to want to perform oral sex.  Of course there are women that like both 2 & 3.  However, I know of no one that likes strong smell coming from the undercarriage.  Okay, I do know of a few fetishes, but I am not speaking about those

Oral sex is just an example, it could be anything, toe sucking, foot massage, spanking, anal, being tied up– whatever it is.  The first step to getting what you want or need is to ask.  I can hear a few men, saying I do ask and she says no.  Then how are you asking?  Are you demanding it?  Do you try to get her real excited and then bring it up, because that just generally ruins the mood.  Do you make passive aggressive hints about it? None of those things I mentioned are asking.  Ask with compassion, honesty, and be polite.  You will be surprised at the outcomes.  Tomorrow more helpful hints on getting what you need. I am pretty sure if an old broad like me can get what she wants, you can too.




Our Bodies, Our Sex, Our Lives

One aspect of our lives that continues to surprise me is the lack of knowledge we have about our own bodies and the bodies of our partners. 4_ Lingam MassageWhat I believe is that many suffer from body shame and shame of sex and desire and pleasure.  As we age whether we are in a relationship or not we can grow isolated and withdraw into our own body, and not seek out the comfort of touch and pleasure.  When this happens we become disconnected from our bodies.  Men stop getting erections, and have difficulty achieving orgasms or have weak orgasms or lack desire to find a partner or to be with their partner.  Women seek outside distractions, lose interest in sex and have a difficulty achieving orgasms.  Both men and women might think when having sex, “lets just get it over”  For no matter what, our bodies do cry out for connection and release.  In youth we don’t manifest a lot of sex problems as our biology overrides everything else including shame. So we enter into marriages or partnership with our eyes blinded by love, lust, dreams, hope or a happy life.

Then this original shame comes back after biology fails us and our lust and passion goes.  Osho, the celebrated Tantra teacher, tells us that when we are small we breathe deep, deep into our very centers.  And so we are centered and we are happy in a way that is a miracle.  Then as we grow we become aware there are rules and people to tell us no, stop that or smack us or worse abuse us or ignore us. As a child we are breathing deep into our centers and feeling our happiness and suddenly someone yells at us.  Our breath stops suddenly and fear fills our body.  We exhale.  Then the next breath comes in again it doesn’t go to our center.  It stops higher up.  Until the time when are breath is shallow in our chest and doesn’t enliven our body, but just keeps it functioning at a minimal level. This slowly creeps up on us and hit us in midlife hence the midlife crisis. Then we seek out answers or we wallow in depression and misery and try to further deaden feelings.

However, not every one is like this.  Some people are genuinely happy. Those people follow the principles of Tantra without even knowing them.  They breathe deeply, they love totally, they follow a spiritual path that adds meaning to their life and they question life and can stand the dual nature of life while looking for unity.  And they embrace intimacy.  I believe in happy people, and I believe people can learn to be happy.  I believe people can reclaim their birthright of happiness.

The way to do that is to let go of shame, claim the pleasures of our body, breathe deeply and well and find the joy of sex and live a life that has meaning.  And to do this we must know our bodies and the bodies of our partner and approach them with compassion.  Tantra isn’t about being immoral or giving up values it is about being present in every breath.




Osho on Love

Osho3 Sometimes that love comes as love of self and love of life. Life sometimes doesn’t bring us romantic love we can maintain.  That doesn’t mean there isn’t love in your life.  I have more love in my life as a single person than I ever did married. There is nothing more lonely than living with a person you don’t love and who doesn’t truly love you.  

Tantra is important.

sex4 One Reason sex begins to feel the same and sort of tired and worn out

is that most of us fall into patterns or habits.  Even in masturbation we tend to touch ourselves in the same way at the same rhythm to the same

images and fantasies.  At some point our bodies fail to react with excitement and pleasure.  So we try a faster pace or a harder touch and it takes longer

to get less and less pleasure.  I have been there.  Where I could only orgasm on my back moving my hand a certain way on my clitoris and thinking certain thoughts. and there could be no disruption to my routine or I  could not achieve an orgasm.   And those destructive habits became a part of my married sex also.  One of the blessings of divorce was that I had to move beyond that. I experimented with toys, different ways to touch, with men, and finally came to Tantra as important to sex.

One reason Tantra is important is that you learn to touch in a different way.  Your touch is filled with intention. The intention is to give pleasure and to receive pleasure.  Also breath is incorporated in the touch to make sure the body is feed with energy to feel the greatest  amount of desire and pleasure. And at higher levels of Tantra visualization and mediations and sounds are added to increase the feeling of expansion and pleasure. Or as I recently explained to a client,” more better”….  I got excited.  It is something I love to talk about and believe in.  Tantra is important as a way to love and to have sex.  It not only teaches acceptance of our own bodies, but to extend that acceptance to others.

However, I think most importantly it teaches how to touch in a way that isn’t judgmental, isn’t demanding, or harsh but kind and encouraging.  I am not saying that rough sex isn’t fun and exciting.  It is.  But even in rough sex if the intention is to please there is a different texture to the touch.  Also Tantra gives confidence to sex and how to touch to give the most pleasure and how to breathe to experience the most pleasure.  One of the benefits I have received through Tantra and why I believe it is important is the quality of my orgasms when I am with myself or a partner. The biggest gift Tantra gives is the expansion of pleasure and the best gift we can give a partner is our own pleasure. It makes you feel happy and intimate  to bring someone pleasure and to watch that experience of ecstasy unfold on your partners face.  It is why many people, men and women, enjoy giving oral pleasure.  You get to watch the change of expression from happy to intense pleasure to a relaxed state of bliss.  That is what sex, intimacy and Tantra is all about.  And that is why I love it. untitled (24)


Best Quote on Sex and Life and Love

But this way feels natural

I actually sort of love hearing that.  I usually hear it when I am helping with conscious deep breathing.  Most people go well I just breathe.  And you likely breathe the wrong way.  With short shallow breaths that produce tension and pain in your upper back and between your shoulder blades.  That is not neck pain or back pain that is tension, pure and simple tension.  That is actually increased by short shallow breaths. btantra I used to have it every day.  Every single day and I just expected it.  From age 21 to about 44.  It was a pain I lived with daily.  When I began writing, it of course worsened. One reason was stress and the other was the fact I sat and typed for long periods of time and our bodies are not designed to sit.  Then in my mid forties I began to do yoga and I struggled with what Rodney Yee described as conscious breathing. I still struggle with my breath exercises. Because I am not doing what I feel is natural, which really mean easiest.  Learning to control the breath is one of the most difficult parts of my practice. It is hard.  It doesn’t feel natural.  I still struggle with it.  However, I do understand the value of learning how to breathe.  And to be honest once I began using conscious breathing, my neck pain stopped and I haven’t had it for 15 years.  On top of that I had broken my neck at 20 and the doctors assured me I would have arthritis in my neck, which I have not had.

Now I am going to get sexual.  When most people achieve orgasm they tend to hold their breath and tighten up the muscles in their legs and buttocks often leading to the cramp in the ball of the feet.  We have all been there and it feels natural.

However, when the breath is cut off and the flow energy is stop by the clenching of muscles the orgasms is actually confined and shortened. By using deep breathing methods and the ocean breath to relax the body the orgasm has a chance to expand and flow outward. I would compare it to waves of pleasure sweeping through the body.  And no it doesn’t feel natural at first, but with practice it is like tide bringing in ever increasing pleasure.    


How to awaken to a higher level of Sexual connection through Tantra mindfulness

One of the things I hear most from my clients is that I have an amazing touch.  I appreciate that comment very much. And I always say thank you and express my gratitude.   Even though I have heard it a lot since I was rather young, it still means a great deal to me personally and professionally.  It is a wonderful compliment, but it got me thinking what is so amazing about my touch.  I have very average hands, very.  Also they are not very strong.  So it has nothing to do with any physical attributes I have or ever had.a hug

My touch is connected to something else and that is the desire to heal or bring pleasure and by pleasure I do not mean orgasm, but the pleasure of being touched in a mindful and present way.  To touch in a way that is accepting and meditative.   Mindfulness in the simplest of terms is to be aware of your intention, to be clear of intruding ideas or thoughts, to suspend judgment, and to be totally and completely present. A mindful touch is full of compassion and love, not romantic love( but that certainly can be part of it)  but love as a way of life.   As soon as I touch someone in my work I try to connect with their energy.  That might take a bit, so I do not rush that process or try to push forward. I have been working at this for about a year and practicing Tantra for about 10 years. In that year of working I have had 1 person I was not able to connect with and the reason was he had expectations of the session that were not going to happen.   I do not bring expectations.  I do not have an agenda.  I am not trying to heal myself by helping others.  And you might ask how does that relate to my sex life?

Frist, it is important to touch the other person with respect, compassion and love.  This does not mean you can’t get dirty, or naughty in fact just the opposite as it is easier to let go with someone you trust, and have respect for and can extend compassion and love.  There is a real fear of sex in this world, when it is the most creative and pleasurable things you can do.  Sex is not dirty, it is not wrong, it is a sacred act of creation.  Secondly think of sex as a positive life giving act that is a precious form of communication.

Third fall deeply into your body and enjoy yourself.    To do that you have to be present.  For example and please excuse me for using myself.  I was massaging a clients hands and looking at his fingers and he asked, “What are you thinking?”  I said, “Nothing, I am mindful of your hand, but I am not thinking about anything.”  The nice thing about becoming mindful is the realization you do not need to be using your brain every moment. It can rest.  And when you need it to do something that includes thinking use it then.  During sex there doesn’t need to be thinking,  There needs to be peace and presence and relaxation and love.  I am not talking love forever and ever, but love and a feeling of connection and compassion for your partner that is transmitted in a mindful touch.   And honest Tantra communication.  Ask with love what you can do to bring more pleasure to your partner and tell them with honesty and love what they can do to give you more pleasure.  Good sex, fulfilling sex is just as much as about receiving as giving.


I date a lot well, I used to date a lot.  In variably, at some point the guy, the man, the datee, would ask what I like most about sex.  My response would always be I don’t understand the question.  Sex is different every time or should be and what was wonderful one night might not be fun Monday afternoon.   And what you loved about one person might not work with another.  However, once that hurtle of judgment and expectations is overcome, sex becomes a more organic and fulfilling experience.    When you add mindfulness the touch shared is amazing.  massage9


Poetry, again…

My love poem to you


I watch you walk awayMichael_Parkes_14

You don’t look over your shoulder.

You are off and away. I leave too with only one evil thought.

And then it is days before I can take it all in

The feel of you, the smell of you,

The rough hard way you come at me

after a week of coaxing and convincing

And finally we both relent to the idea that there is

Nothing perfect here and our plans for music, candles and

time to enjoy each other are in vain.

I mail my confident, my ex-lover that you have broke me

He is concerned about his growing irrelevancy. I reassure him,

but my brokenness is not address.   I plan to text you and tell you

that you broke me, but you knew that the first night, bastard.

How I love you.





Best Dating Advice–Ever as told to me by a man

The best dating advice I have ever heard is this.  Sleep with them on the first date unless they physically repulse you, and then leave and never see them again.  images (19)

The reason behind sleeping with them on the first date is logical.  The sexual chemistry or whatever pulls us to a person should be strong, so strong that it is irresistible.  So the decision  made by the body is good and should be listened it. But what if  you want to withhold so the man doesn’t get the wrong ideas.  Well, any man that is making judgments on a woman’s taste and sexuality is probably an asshole.  And the man should have enough confidence to believe that that woman is making the choice out of attraction to him not because she is a ____ insert whatever judgmental word you have for women.

What happens next:

1-The sex is amazing and you just sort of stick together

2-The sex sucks and you don’t see each other again.

Either is a win. You have either found someone you like and will be with for a while.  I slept with my ex husband on the first night and we were together for 25 years. I slept  with my ex boyfriend on our first date  and we were together for 5 years. It wasn’t forever, what is?  They weren’t the greatest relationships, but I did learn a lot and had a lot of good sex.   If you sleep with them and it is a total disaster then don’t see the person again, so what?  It was not going to work out anyway.

I find the logic of this sound.  It cuts out all the games, you begin a new relationship in the best possible way, great sex, or you walk away without having wasted a lot of time and heart ache.