Tantra teaches us to be whole; it teaches acceptance and unity.  The gift it gives is not just great sex, but the ability to be 100% present in your day to day life.  And that gift means you are present with your partner during sex and whe ever you are together, the busy worried mind is no more.


Learning Tantra can be a difficult process. I have simplified that process into 3 major components that covers the fullness and beauty of Tantra.

1-The philopshy and the history are taught along with the major sutras. This from the foundation of Tantra and to be successful in making changes these need to be learned. Each lesson comes with exercises and activities to reinforce the principles of Tantra.

2-The sacred Tibetan Healing Meditations. These are not readily available and they bring deep healing to the body and presence and peace to the mind. They calm the over busy mind.

3-The Fun Stuff: Sex, Intimacy, the Lingam and Yoni Massage. You learn Tantric Touch, Tantric Communication based on Non Violent Communication several different wants to move sex energy through the body to experience higher degrees of pleasure. Plus how to have a full body orgasm and turn sex into a sacred bonding experience.

$179.99 Bonus. A Couple workbook with 7 days of pleasure and intimacy exercises.

Sex is good for you.

imagesJMHGUYPZI do not like to generalize.  I also do not like to lump people into categories.  It is not fair.  Each of us looks at life through our own prism of experience, beliefs, education, spiritual growth, mental wellness or illness. The world is experienced differently by each of us. It is not that people are so varied it is that the prism we gaze at the world through is so varied and casts so many different colors onto the world.  It is true some people look at the world through rose colored glasses and see the good.  Others see everything cast in shadow and so they find darkness. The same goes for sex.  If we look at sex as a bright fiery pleasure we get pleasure from it.  If  we view sex as dirty or nasty  or naughty  or only as a means to express love in certain circumstances or worse a duty, sex becomes tainted and dark.

Open honest sex is good.  It is the best thing we can do for our bodies.  And yes with time our bodies change, however;  sex and desire isn’t just for the young. Sex is our life force.  Our life force isn’t some nebulous thing floating around the heavens, it resides in our bodies, our loins, our sex.  When we are open and awakened that force flows more freely through our body giving us greater health and more joy.  Sex floods our bodies with life enriching hormones that keeps us younger, happier and healthier. Sex is the best thing you can do for yourself.  It is not just some momentary pleasure or a blink of an orgasm, it is rejuvenating and those orgasms should be full body orgasms.    Do not settle for less.  As  society we spend 40 hours a week at work and many spend 10 or more hours working out and then spend 10 minutes having sex Saturday night or sex3Sunday morning.  One of the most pleasurable and creative things we do as humans is too time consuming, or my personal favorite, I just want to get done.  Why would you want to feel less pleasure?  Feeling more pleasure protects you from depression, illness and many other issues. Sex is good for you.  It connects you more deeply with yourself and more deeply with your partner.  Even if it is just a sex partner.  Isn’t better to have a fun relaxing time and laugh and have multiple orgasms than not?

I find sex the best thing I do.  It makes me feel the best and happiest and truly at one with myself.  I just love it I always have and it is good for you emotionally and physically.



Tantra Heals

healing energy

One of the most amazing aspects of Tantra is the very thing that has wounded us, rejection, sexual trauma, abuse, bad relationship where the pain is stored in the very cells of our body is also hat heals us.  By increasing pleasure, by feeling the full effects of pleasure in our body we heal out mind our bodies and the energy within the  There is a true transformation. And that more than anything is what Tantra offers—transformation.

Our Bodies, Our Sex, Our Lives

One aspect of our lives that continues to surprise me is the lack of knowledge we have about our own bodies and the bodies of our partners. 4_ Lingam MassageWhat I believe is that many suffer from body shame and shame of sex and desire and pleasure.  As we age whether we are in a relationship or not we can grow isolated and withdraw into our own body, and not seek out the comfort of touch and pleasure.  When this happens we become disconnected from our bodies.  Men stop getting erections, and have difficulty achieving orgasms or have weak orgasms or lack desire to find a partner or to be with their partner.  Women seek outside distractions, lose interest in sex and have a difficulty achieving orgasms.  Both men and women might think when having sex, “lets just get it over”  For no matter what, our bodies do cry out for connection and release.  In youth we don’t manifest a lot of sex problems as our biology overrides everything else including shame. So we enter into marriages or partnership with our eyes blinded by love, lust, dreams, hope or a happy life.

Then this original shame comes back after biology fails us and our lust and passion goes.  Osho, the celebrated Tantra teacher, tells us that when we are small we breathe deep, deep into our very centers.  And so we are centered and we are happy in a way that is a miracle.  Then as we grow we become aware there are rules and people to tell us no, stop that or smack us or worse abuse us or ignore us. As a child we are breathing deep into our centers and feeling our happiness and suddenly someone yells at us.  Our breath stops suddenly and fear fills our body.  We exhale.  Then the next breath comes in again it doesn’t go to our center.  It stops higher up.  Until the time when are breath is shallow in our chest and doesn’t enliven our body, but just keeps it functioning at a minimal level. This slowly creeps up on us and hit us in midlife hence the midlife crisis. Then we seek out answers or we wallow in depression and misery and try to further deaden feelings.

However, not every one is like this.  Some people are genuinely happy. Those people follow the principles of Tantra without even knowing them.  They breathe deeply, they love totally, they follow a spiritual path that adds meaning to their life and they question life and can stand the dual nature of life while looking for unity.  And they embrace intimacy.  I believe in happy people, and I believe people can learn to be happy.  I believe people can reclaim their birthright of happiness.

The way to do that is to let go of shame, claim the pleasures of our body, breathe deeply and well and find the joy of sex and live a life that has meaning.  And to do this we must know our bodies and the bodies of our partner and approach them with compassion.  Tantra isn’t about being immoral or giving up values it is about being present in every breath.




Questions and Totality

My frame of mind is not good.  I relasped and went on a date. I was not too bad until the 4th mojtio then I could not pretend any longer.  I had to be me.

The truth is when I am working with people,  I am my best me.   When working with people one on one or in a large groups where I am talking or when I have sex, I am in my zone.  That is not really the point of this post. Michael Parkes - Petrouchkas dreamI am not my best me when I feel judged or someone is angry at me or if I feel I am not respected for the person I am.  In these situations I don’t think anyone is their best me. I don’t.  None of us like to be judged, no one likes anger pointed at them and no one likes feeling that their opinions and feelings are not respected.  None of us like to feel invisible or not truly seen.  As humans we have a natural desire to be known, to be understood.  This comes out when we are adolescents as being different than our parents and calling attention to ourselves by the way we dress and talk and do our hair, however we still want the acceptance of our peers so we look like them and not our parents.

That is a driving force of most people is the need to be understood especially at our most intimate times.  There are men and women that go through their entire lives not expressing their true selves.  This is painful and these people have such a deep seated dissatisfaction with life that the main feeling others pick up from them is anger or discomfort.  Many of  these people are like my brother who firmly believes there is a place in the future where he will be happy and healthy and having a great relationship with his wife, or my ex high school boyfriend who thinks we will be together when we are 70 and having great sex.  I believe I will be having great sex at 70, however I believe my ex high school boyfriend will be dead from his bad heart and total lack of self care.  And the difference is Tantra and totality.   I am totally in or I am totally out. There is no religion no philosophy that recommends half heartedness.  Back to my ex high school boyfriend.  He has been married 40 years to a woman he didn’t whole heartedly love, who didn’t give him the sex or affection he carved.  Is that her fault?  No it is not.  He never voiced his needs in a way she could hear. That putting off, that looking to the future to be happy that is not going to happen.  If you are not happy in the present moment you aren’t happy anywhere.

So my date just looks past me, because I am 59.  He is the same age, but wants someone young and pretty and less complex than me. So he begins our date with a 30 minute dissertation on his health issues.  And ends it with the comment he needs 2 Viagra to get an erection.  He has a pacemaker and that is asking for a heart attack.  Because I walk through life in a sort of blessed state anymore, which even my most hardened friends recognize, my best and hottest bartender was working and he kept the mojitos rolling plus he made me laugh until I said enough I am going home.  And I did. Then things went sideways and I slipped into old habits that I am not going to discuss.  The point is we are happiest being exactly who we are without pretense and without barriers.  The other point is we are happiest in the present. The future is an unknown for anyone no matter how much you save no matter how much you plan.

As far as questions.  The main thing I am asked is if I am involved. I am not even sure what the hell that even means.  However, I can say I am sexual.  I do things that make me happy.  I am good.  And that is all I want to reveal. Michael_Parkes_05

New Year Resolutions, and the Best Tantric Sex—Ever

aamassage I am glad the craze for New Years Resolutions is basically over.  There are still a few people hanging on trying to change their lives by beginning an exercise program or meditation or drop some weight or build a better relationship or do better at work.  You can name a bunch of stuff.  However, what I have observed over the years is that people don’t change very much.  My sister-in-law has been losing and gaining back the same 75 lbs. for the last twenty years.

Does that mean I don’t believe in change, no.  I do.  I think change comes with daily habits.  You get up you exercise, you drink water, you drink more water, and you eat whole foods that aren’t refined.  Making a few small changes makes all the difference in the world over time.  If you want to have better sex, you learn new techniques.  You practice.  You make sex and intimacy a priority in your life because it builds healthy strong relationships, and protects relationships from damage, plus it promotes better emotional health and physical health.  One of the things I focus a lot on is breathing or pranayama.  Breathing correctly is not something a lot of people do.  They take short shallow breaths that signal to the body that it is a flight or fight response.  This increases stress in the body and muscle tension.

One of the first things in Tantra that is learned is how to breathe. And how to breathe to increase the pleasure and intensity of orgasms. It is not a difficult technique.  Their are also several Kundalini poses that strengthen the sexual organs and develop strength in that area along with pranayama. Tantra is not a complicated practice reserved for a few.  It is a few easy changes in how you view sex and how you experience pleasure and learning how to breath differently.

One simple way Tantric way to increase the intensity and feeling of an orgasm and make it a more expansive experience is to take long deep breaths, to consciously take long deep breaths during foreplay.  Rather than pant take a long deep breath in to the count of 4 or more hold  and let it out slowly.  when taking a breath in imagine the air flowing into your body filling your pelvic region with desire and pleasure. Let your mind be still and experience the feel of your lovers skin, and breath and touch.  Experience as much pleasure as you want to give.  Pleasure is limitless or limited by our own thoughts.

A small change in breathing patterns during sex, learning to still the mind and accept pleasure in all the forms that please you will expand your sex life and make for a blissful New Year.


But this way feels natural

I actually sort of love hearing that.  I usually hear it when I am helping with conscious deep breathing.  Most people go well I just breathe.  And you likely breathe the wrong way.  With short shallow breaths that produce tension and pain in your upper back and between your shoulder blades.  That is not neck pain or back pain that is tension, pure and simple tension.  That is actually increased by short shallow breaths. btantra I used to have it every day.  Every single day and I just expected it.  From age 21 to about 44.  It was a pain I lived with daily.  When I began writing, it of course worsened. One reason was stress and the other was the fact I sat and typed for long periods of time and our bodies are not designed to sit.  Then in my mid forties I began to do yoga and I struggled with what Rodney Yee described as conscious breathing. I still struggle with my breath exercises. Because I am not doing what I feel is natural, which really mean easiest.  Learning to control the breath is one of the most difficult parts of my practice. It is hard.  It doesn’t feel natural.  I still struggle with it.  However, I do understand the value of learning how to breathe.  And to be honest once I began using conscious breathing, my neck pain stopped and I haven’t had it for 15 years.  On top of that I had broken my neck at 20 and the doctors assured me I would have arthritis in my neck, which I have not had.

Now I am going to get sexual.  When most people achieve orgasm they tend to hold their breath and tighten up the muscles in their legs and buttocks often leading to the cramp in the ball of the feet.  We have all been there and it feels natural.

However, when the breath is cut off and the flow energy is stop by the clenching of muscles the orgasms is actually confined and shortened. By using deep breathing methods and the ocean breath to relax the body the orgasm has a chance to expand and flow outward. I would compare it to waves of pleasure sweeping through the body.  And no it doesn’t feel natural at first, but with practice it is like tide bringing in ever increasing pleasure.    


Who Can Benefit from Tantra written by the Sensual Tiger

Sometimes it is difficult for me to explain or discuss  my work.  However I do have a strong belief that it is extremely helpful to my well being and the well being of others.

This article can be found at:



Basically everyone can benefit from learning and practicing Tantra and from receiving Tantric Massage sessions.  These usually pique the interest of those looking for: personal growth and a higher spiritual awareness, to gain a more pleasurable sex life, and/or have a deeper intimacy with their partner.  But, there are many health benefits most do not realize can be achieved from practicing Tantra or receiving a Tantric Massage.   Some of the conditions that have shown to benefit from for Tantra and Tantric Massage are; ADD, ADHD, Anxiety, Auto-Immune Disorders, Breast Lumps, Digestive Problems, Depression, Endometriosis, Fatigue, Hormone Imbalances, Infertility, Irregular Menstrual Cycle, Low Back Pain, Low Sex Drive, Migraines, Miscarriages, Ovarian Cyst, Painful Intercourse, Painful Periods, PMS, Poor Immune, Pre-Cervical Cancer, Stress related problems and excessive Stress, Uterine Fibroids, Vaginal Dryness and many more.  There are also a lot of Anti-Aging benefits and effect from Tantric Massage sessions and practicing Tantra.

The reason it can help all those conditions and others is because they are all caused from blockages and energy imbalances.  Traditional Chinese Medicine states that there are only two things that cause pain in the body.  They are a blockage of the flow of blood or a blockage of the flow of energy.  It also states that the only reasons for any disease in the body are blockages of blood or energy, or deficiency of blood or energy.  Tantra focuses on building blood and energy through deep breathing, meditation and intent, and releases blockages through movement, yoga, massage and many other techniques.  Another main focus of Tantra and Tantric Massage is to build and build the sexual energy (which is a very raw and powerful energy) and release it up through the spine and to fill the entire body and every cell.  This alone builds energy and blood in the body and blast through blockages.  Of course Tantra cannot be a “heal all” completely by itself.  Tantra teaches us to enjoy the pleasures of fresh foods, regular exercise and stretching, relaxation exercises and simply enjoy life and its pleasures to the fullest.  I personally have had much success treating all of the conditions listed above and many more.  Although you will feel an incredible difference with just one session, serious and chronic conditions may take several sessions and doing breathing exercise, mediation, stretching or other techniques on your own in between sessions.  There is no exact number of treatments for any certain condition.  Everyone is different and the reasons thier bodies are out of balance vary.  If anyone says they can treat something in this many session they are not being honest.  Like I said earlier you will need to make your health a priority and at least something on your own to improve your health.  Whether that is just learning to relax more, move more, eliminate stress, take a yoga class or whatever, you will have to play an active part in your health and well being.  So any progress will depend on what caused the imbalance(s), are you still experiencing those causes, how easily you can let go of stress and blockages or even just “let go”, what are you doing to help or hinder your progress and yes how often or consistance you you receive treatment.  Some times are easy to work with and you gain progess quickly.  I have one client who had been trying to get pregnant for over a year.  I worked with her once a week and she became pregnant on the 6th week of working with her.

You don’t have to have a physical imbalance or condition to receive a Tantric Massage.  It can also assist in spiritual / personal growth,  to just receive pleasure, enhance sexual experiences, become more open sexually, or to find that balance of sometimes just receiving with no expectation of giving. We were meant to be free uninhibited beings.  Unfortunately most of us are stressed to the max.  Many religions and Western society tell us we should feel guilty, shameful and fearful of almost everything.  We are taught that our bodies are bad, dirty and must be kept private.  Sex is only for reproduction and it’s bad to just enjoy physical pleasure.  Along with many other beliefs and burdens that have been placed on us over this last century, it is no wonder we are more ill and unhappy then we have ever been in history.  Every year the percentages of people expected to get cancer, heart disease and other major illnesses increase at a rate like never before.  Think about it.  Even when life was much harder and the general population was malnourished there was far less serious and fatal diseases.  One of the main reasons is because sex and physical pleasure wasn’t hidden and no one was ashamed of it.  It was a natural human experience.  Our bodies would not be designed to experience so much pleasure if it was something bad (and let me tell you we haven’t even scratched the surface on how much pleasure we can experience).  I’m sorry but I really do not feel God would create our bodies in a way that we are able to experience so much pleasure and then tell us it is bad to experience such pleasures.   If we were meant to only have sex for reproduction then we would be like animals and only be sexually aroused when the female was fertile.  Also why would there be so many positive health benefits?  It is proven that sexual pleasure has many positive health benefits mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It doesn’t make sense that there is such a negative mind set towards physical pleasure.  Would you give your kids something that brought them great joy and health and then tell them it was something that was bad and to be ashamed of experiencing? I see God as unconditional love, light, peace and joy.  So it doesn’t make sense that we have to suffer, be poor and unhappy to be closer to God.  It is actually the opposite.  We can only get closer to God when we are vibrating at the same frequency as God and living our lives with unconditional love, peace and joy. If you want to be closer to God then you have to be like God.  That is what Tantra is all about.  Once we can accept that concept it is life changing for the positive and our health and lives can only get better. 

I hope everyone enjoys this article as much as I did



The Easiest Way to Improve Sex–Be Present.

If you ever have had a random thought go through your head while making love or having sex, however it is defined, you aren’t fully in your body, but in your head and not present. I was almost the most shallow person on the planet as a young women.  I can remember running my hands over a mans’ back and feeling a bump and I was horrified and then my mind just went into a tailspin of “Did I just touch a pimple, a mole, a scar, what the hell was that? And I think the thought process of sex is different in women than men.  Women think during sex, and it is mostly not sexy thoughts.  It is “get this over so I can put some laundry in, or I need to take out some hamburger from the freezer or I wonder if he is looking at how small my boobs are, or how big my boobs are, or how my left boob is bigger than my right boob, or the mole on my boob, or the lone hair on my nipple, or the third nipple I have on my right side and if he sees the third nipple will he think I am a witch?  800px-narcissus-caravaggio_1594-96

The picture is of Narcissus, who became so caught up in his own image he fell in love with himself and couldn’t leave the pond. He ultimately died and was turned into the flower of the same name.  That is how we are when we get caught up in our own thoughts and become less aware of what is happening in the present moment. The chances pleasure and joy are of actually lessened when we are trapped by our own thoughts.

That is how women’s minds work, they aren’t usually judging the man they are just allowing random thoughts to cruise around their heads. What that means is they aren’t in their bodies, the pleasure is secondary, the sex is happening to them not with them.  I actually have always admired how men can just go after it as if the lingam blocks their thoughts.  However, since I do get the opportunity to speak with men about their sex lives I have found they also have intrusive thoughts and quite a few men have difficulty achieving orgasm. Or if the man is asking for something constantly during sex it is a good indication that he is not completely enjoying what is happening in the present moment.

The quickest the easiest way to improve sex it is be present.  Enjoy the feeling in the moment let the pleasure build and breathe and relax.  Trust yourself to enjoy the pleasure of giving and receiving touch.  I like to refer to it as sinking deep into the body.  It is the time when you forget about the outside world, the bills, the mole or pimple or scar or whatever and enjoy how the body feels and tastes and looks and just enjoy it.  Some will say easier said than done, but that is the complexity of being present in any activity.  If you are washing a glass just wash the glass and be mindful of the glass washing.  The same is true for sex.  When you are having sex or making love, just have sex and be mindful of the sex and communicate with understanding and compassion and love.   Easiest improvement to make.