Life in a Small Community & Sex

alluvial fan_pocatello I live in a small townThat means things get around.  People talk. My neighbors ask what I am doing.  I have lived here all my life and I like it.  I plan to die here unless I win the lottery and then I am buying a castle in the South of France and getting a pack of hounds and dying there with my 27 year old moat boy.  But most likely I will die here.  I am totally good with that. I like that idea.

However for much of my life I have let small town conventions and small town religion control my behavior.   That is the part I am over.  I believe that Tantra is a way to spread love and to improve life on this planet.  The work I do brings joy at least in that moment and we can only live in the moment.  And I have to be true to my path and my path doesn’t include shame, guilt, repression, or denial of the body. We are our bodies.  All of our energy our good feelings come from our sexual energy.  By repressing and denying that sexual energy we deny what is most alive in us, what is most vital.

I can’t do that anymore.  I have practiced and studied and learned so much I feel it is in bad form not to share. If it not right to hide your light under a basket. Although I know I will not get overwhelming support from all in my community, I know I am on the path I need to be on and that Tantra is the way to spread love and light.  Plus I get support form the people that are most important to me.

And I want to thank all the wonderful people who have spent time with me.  I am super impressed by the desire to learn and to experience a new way of touching and breathing and feeling.

Peace out tonight–jillimages (3)



Sex and Age and Mormon Bishops and Confession of Sexual Sins

We never get too old for sex. And we shouldn’t be. We are sexual beings until our last breath or exhalation. Sexual energy is what moves our soul and our spirit.

“There is a light that shines beyond all things on earth, beyond us all, beyond the heavens, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. This is the Light that shines in our heart.”

Chandogya Upanishad (circa 7 th to 8 th century B.C.E.) Sacred philosophical Hindu literature.

That is our energy our heart our sexuality. I was lucky I never felt guilty about sex. I had been making out with a guy not a boyfriend or anything just a guy. And I went home and was walking to my grandma’s house for some reason. She lived about 100 yards from our house.

I stopped and looked up into the sky. And the stars were like diamonds in the velvet black of night. So many of them and I had this intense feeling of being whole and complete. I connected that with the making out session. And I never felt remorse or guilt about anything attached to sex after that. Although I didn’t know it at the time that was a glimpse of enlightenment.

When I was young we were called into to the Mormon Bishop’s office to confess our sexual sins. I found this very odd and now looking back on it really creepy. They would ask me if I was immoral or if I had ever been molested by a boy and I would always say no. And I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t molested by boys and by my understanding I wasn’t being immoral. That was me and I think I was unusual. Most people were harmed by these interviews. It produced guilt and shame and feelings of unworthiness. This same sort of scenario is played out in many churches and homes and schools. When we are young, shame and guilt is used to try and control our sexual urges. When we age and are older it is the same in many ways. We don’t want to think of older people as sexual. Women are often referred to as old and dried up and men as limp, but neither is true. Still once again we begin to feel shame about our desires and our bodies.

It would seem to make sense that these feelings of shame guilt would disappear as we grow older.  However, a funny thing happens. As we age and our bodies change and our feelings change about life and sex and love those old feelings of shame from puberty come back to haunt us. Women claim they don’t feel like having sex. They feel content without it. When asked to explain it often comes out they don’t feel like older people should be sexual sort of like how they were told that young people weren’t allowed to be sexual.

At a time in our lives when we need physical touch and intimacy the most, both sexes have a tendency to reject it. The saddest thing to me is to see a couple that is married and friendly but haveimages (12) given up on intimacy. I wanted to get this much up and posted and tomorrow write more about age and Tantra communication



doggy It was my goal to blog today and I procrastinated, because that is how I am. Then I decided I would just say something, anything.

I want to expand on this tomorrow, but I want to write about shame.  It is so internalized, it is so pervasive in our society that is harmful. Many of my friends do not have sex any longer because they feel shame about their bodies or things do not  happen as quickly as they once did, and I can only say thank God for that.   However, many people are used to drunk or hurried sex that is fueled by emotions that are not healthy.  We aren’t taught to relax into our bodies and enjoy the healing power of touch and sex and orgasms.  As our society becomes more sexualized we are actually having less sex and less good sex and not very much spectacular call home to mom sex. 

Shame still is there imbedded in our minds our society on our Facebook pages and I am over it and tomorrow I will continue this blog, but I at least began the journey. jill