ED and Health.

In my job I hear a lot of problems and I also hear a lot of good happy things from people.  And I try to study and learn as much as I can.  I am not overly fond of the term lifetime learner as if that unusual or something to be patted on the back for, it’s not. If you are not learning every day new and correct information, you are then stuck in a rut of bad out dated information. I haven’t been working much or blogging for the simple fact on April 27th, I broke the T4 vertebrae in my back.  Not from thinning bones or an age related issue.  I fell.  I didn’t lose my balance I stepped onto an unsafe surface.  Since then I am been resting.  I also went in and had my vertebrae repaired to give me the best chance of having a healthy  spine. I have been taking extra supplements,  drinking 48 oz. of water a day, and sleeping about 16 hours a day.  My focus has been on getting healthy and strong. I have one thing going for me great genetics.  That is something none of us have control over. However we have control over what and how we eat, our exercise patterns, our overall activity, which has proven to be more important than exercise, our sexuality, and our state of mind.  We also have control over getting medical care and help when we need it and not to ignore signs of problems.

Which brings me to the point of my blog, ED.  Erectile Dysfunction.  I spent two days watching advertisement about differing products for erectile dysfunction.  At some point I did have to start drinking my favorite adult beverage, Crispin Natural Hard Cider.  I will say that I don’t find drinking adult beverages at odds with my Tantra path.  In moderation adult beverages provide crispinneeded anti-oxidants such as in wine and the very important relaxation response.  When you sit down for a glass of wine or beer or even a good cocktail, you body relaxes as it knows the beverage will make it feel good.  That is not a bad thing if you are moderate.  But you have to be moderate.  And if you can’t be moderate you should not drink.

What I learned from the ED commercials is there are a lot of desperate and misinformed people out there willing to buy snake oil and many doctors pushing Viagra or other pills.   Men seem to have limited knowledge of how their bodies work and the aging process. 

You can see from the  chart there is a spike at about 16 to 18 and an leveling off at 19.  Then there is quite a bit of difference in male levels of hormones. But after 30 all men lose about 1% of their testosterone with each year.  And obviously all men don’t have the same level of male hormones in their bodies.  On the flip side all women don’t have the same levels of female hormones.  I have very high estrogen this doesn’t make me more horny or womanly than women that have lower amounts.  Hormone levels have very little to do with behavior,  and male hormones have to be very low not to get an erection.  My son when he was two years old started getting erections from watching kissing on TV.   My observations are backed up with real scientific proof:   ” A 2012 study finds that the waning of testosterone levels in men is more likely a result of behavioral and health changes than by aging. “Declining testosterone levels are not an inevitable part of the aging process, as many people think,” said study co-author Gary Wittert, MD, professor of medicine at the University of Adelaide in Adelaide, Australia.”http://www.medicaldaily.com/male-sex-drive-mighty-testosterone-alone-responsible-libido-246793.  Low Testosterone was linked to poor health, obesity, lack of activity, lack of sexual activity, depression.   Age doesn’t translate to significantly lower levels of male hormones in healthy men.  Diabetes, and heart disease are strongly related to ED as are some medications. 

Dr Oz reports:

Here are the typical ranges for men:

  • Age: 20-40 testosterone level: 400-1,080

  • Age: 40-50 testosterone level: 350-890

  • Age: 50-60 testosterone level: 250-750

  • Age: 70 or above testosterone level: 250-650

Below is a chart from http://www.healthline.com/health/low-testosterone/testosterone-levels-by-age#Adolescence that shows normal levels of testosterone throughout the course of their lives.

 

Male Female
Age: T Level (ng/dL): Age: T Level (ng/dL):
0-5 months 75-400 0-5 months 20-80
6 mos.-9 yrs. <7-20 6 mos.-9 yrs. <7-20
10-11 yrs. <7-130 10-11 yrs. <7-44
12-13 yrs. <7-800 12-16 yrs. <7-75
14 yrs. <7-1,200 17-18 yrs. 20-75
15-16 yrs. 100-1,200 19+ yrs. 8-60
17-18 yrs. 300-1,200
19+ yrs. 240-950
Avg. Adult Male 270-1,070 Avg. Adult Female 15-70
30+ yrs. -1% per year

 We continue to grow  until we are 25 and then we begin the slow process of aging, which most of us do not notice until 29 and then just a bit and then it doesn’t really sink in until about  46, then it is hey my life could be half over.   This is when many men notice for the first time their erections are different. They have been getting different for a while.   I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but you can not expect the same erections you got a sixteen when you are in your late 30’s or 40’s.  It is not so much things have changed, but you haven’t noticed the natural aging process. I don’t have the breasts I did at 16.  I wish I did.  They were like a force for good in the universe.  With time they changed.  The penis changes with time and the things most boys/men learned at 16 don’t work at  37, 38, 42 or 48.  The same fantasy about the high school sweetheart fails to ignite the flames. The thought of sex doesn’t seems as interesting as the sport event on TV, you fear that sex with your girlfriend will make her feel that you are in a relationship so you avoid it.  Even masturbation doesn’t feel as good as it used to and often doesn’t produce strong orgasms    On one ED  commercial it said, “This doesn’t require any exercise or breathing or any weird stuff like that.”  No it requires you to pay 99.00 a month for an unproven, possibly unsafe supplement.  Breathing and Exercise are weird things.  I will get back to that.

The misinformation and just out and out lies the commercial used to sell a product of little to no value is frightening.   It began with the idea that the man’s wife would leave him if he wasn’t able to penetrate her ever night with a good strong erection.  And his wife needed sex every night because it was her way to cope with life’s stresses.  Let’s break this down.   

A-Sex isn’t just a penis going into a vagina and it is certainly not the only way to satisfy a woman or a man.  There is oral sex, manual simulation, toys, other parts of the body that are orgasmic.  Many women have orgasms from nipple play.  If the entire focus of sex is going to be on the man’s penis a great sex life is never going to happen, plus that is a lot of pressure for the man.   Also it made  me wonder if this guy telling his story is so shallow he won’t give his wife an orgasm any other way than his penis.  And the hard stats are only  25% of women orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. I can remember in high school or college that I reached down to stimulate my clitoris and the guy brushed my hand away and wouldn’t let me.   That guy was 22 years old and sort of misogynist. I would think most men aren’t like that.  Most men will do about anything to pleasure the woman and make sure she has an orgasm. Let’s be honest.  A man needs an erection so he can orgasm. There is not a thing wrong with that, nothing.  As a side note:  Older men might have slightly less firm erections, but they have stronger orgasms.   They are longer and they are stronger.  No one talks about that. Sexual activity for older men is often more enjoyable, relaxed, with the pay off of stronger full body orgasms. Of course that does mean you have to get an erection.  However, erections and orgasms from Viagra are terrible and that drug can damage your penis by pushing too much blood through the tiny valves of the many tiny capillaries that go to the penis.  It is a no win situation.

Green man

You might ask why the picture of the leafy man?  That is the Green Man from Celtic Nature Religions  He represents rebirth and growth.   Something we often do not connect with masculinity. One ritual for many tribes was around Beltane or the spring Equinox the leader of the tribe was expected to have sex in full view of the tribe with a virgin.  Many think it was the sacrifice of the woman’s virginity that was the scared part of the ritual. However, it wasn’t the taking of the girl’s virginity.  What the point was that the leader could perform sexually and that he was sound in his body and mind. It was understood that healthy men could get erections.   An erection signified good health and that was important in a leader.

Erections are a sign of good health.  If you are not having good erections have your health checked first.  It is often a sign of diabetes, or prostate problems or heart disease.  Then the second thing is emotional issues, too much drinking, and lack of a willing and well-matched partner and depression. ED will be common in sexless marriages, or marriages where the woman is very rejecting because that does happen. I lost my ability to have orgasms the last several years of my marriage and for about a year afterward.  Rubbing it harder, and looking at porn and flirting with relationships didn’t make it better.  What made it better was getting out of a dead marriage and learning about Tantra.  Guess what? learning to breath differently and to do exercises did work and has continued to work for me.  Making sure you are healthy with enough blood and oxygen going to your sex organs is important to maintaining erections  and good sexual functioning.  You might even say it is key.  Good health, exercise, intimacy (emotionally)  good mental health and productivity will keep up your male hormones.  Correct breathing and exercise for the lingam area will also protect ED.  The other cure will be discussed tomorrow, night

 

 

 

Questions and Totality

My frame of mind is not good.  I relasped and went on a date. I was not too bad until the 4th mojtio then I could not pretend any longer.  I had to be me.

The truth is when I am working with people,  I am my best me.   When working with people one on one or in a large groups where I am talking or when I have sex, I am in my zone.  That is not really the point of this post. Michael Parkes - Petrouchkas dreamI am not my best me when I feel judged or someone is angry at me or if I feel I am not respected for the person I am.  In these situations I don’t think anyone is their best me. I don’t.  None of us like to be judged, no one likes anger pointed at them and no one likes feeling that their opinions and feelings are not respected.  None of us like to feel invisible or not truly seen.  As humans we have a natural desire to be known, to be understood.  This comes out when we are adolescents as being different than our parents and calling attention to ourselves by the way we dress and talk and do our hair, however we still want the acceptance of our peers so we look like them and not our parents.

That is a driving force of most people is the need to be understood especially at our most intimate times.  There are men and women that go through their entire lives not expressing their true selves.  This is painful and these people have such a deep seated dissatisfaction with life that the main feeling others pick up from them is anger or discomfort.  Many of  these people are like my brother who firmly believes there is a place in the future where he will be happy and healthy and having a great relationship with his wife, or my ex high school boyfriend who thinks we will be together when we are 70 and having great sex.  I believe I will be having great sex at 70, however I believe my ex high school boyfriend will be dead from his bad heart and total lack of self care.  And the difference is Tantra and totality.   I am totally in or I am totally out. There is no religion no philosophy that recommends half heartedness.  Back to my ex high school boyfriend.  He has been married 40 years to a woman he didn’t whole heartedly love, who didn’t give him the sex or affection he carved.  Is that her fault?  No it is not.  He never voiced his needs in a way she could hear. That putting off, that looking to the future to be happy that is not going to happen.  If you are not happy in the present moment you aren’t happy anywhere.

So my date just looks past me, because I am 59.  He is the same age, but wants someone young and pretty and less complex than me. So he begins our date with a 30 minute dissertation on his health issues.  And ends it with the comment he needs 2 Viagra to get an erection.  He has a pacemaker and that is asking for a heart attack.  Because I walk through life in a sort of blessed state anymore, which even my most hardened friends recognize, my best and hottest bartender was working and he kept the mojitos rolling plus he made me laugh until I said enough I am going home.  And I did. Then things went sideways and I slipped into old habits that I am not going to discuss.  The point is we are happiest being exactly who we are without pretense and without barriers.  The other point is we are happiest in the present. The future is an unknown for anyone no matter how much you save no matter how much you plan.

As far as questions.  The main thing I am asked is if I am involved. I am not even sure what the hell that even means.  However, I can say I am sexual.  I do things that make me happy.  I am good.  And that is all I want to reveal. Michael_Parkes_05

The Sexless Marriage and can Tantra help?

imagesZKM1BZFWI listen to people and I also do a lot of research through scientific peer reviewed journals. The funny thing is that the peer reviewed journals are about the same as what I hear from people. Studies are almost always done to validate what is already known. What is known is that Americans are in more and more sexless marriages. The current estimate is the 15% to 20% of marriages are completely sexless. It doesn’t seem like a huge amount but also factor in 50% of marriages are ending in divorce and that is a lot of unhappy sexless relationships. I find this dreadfully sad. Sex feels so good. Being touched and touching another feels better than anything in the world. People men and women need the comfort of touch. It brings balance and harmony to your life. If something is that good why do people stop having sex in a relationship?  The following is from articles I have read and also my own opinions and experiences.

Women—this is a concept I am not personally familiar with, but have come to accept as true. Women need to feel an emotional connection to their partner to be able to have sex with them. They want to feel loved and appreciated and heard. They also want to feel accepted for themselves. When women do not feel an emotional connection to their partner they do not feel desire for them either.

Men—want to feel desired and sexually vital. When they get rejected often by their partner they withdraw and cease to make an effort. It is no fun to be told no. Plus it is wounding.

The Cycle—women need to feel an emotional connection and intimacy or they will often reject sex after a man is rejected many times he withdraws and stops asking and the relationship can slowly slip into a sexless union.

There are also other factors:

Health—when one of the partners develops health issues and feels like having less sex or can’t. Diabetes is a major factor. For men it is more difficult to get an erection and they require more stimulation. For women they are more vulnerable to yeast infections and bladder infections from sex. Good hygiene, good lubrication and using the bathroom before and after sex and help eliminate bladder and yeast infections and being proactive with medications from your doctor. I am very up front with my doctor and about what I need when I am sexually active. Health is a factor, but with good communication the help of others it should not ruin sex and intimacy.

Lose of Attraction—when one or the other of the partners loses their looks it can cause a problem for the other partner. If one partner puts on a great deal of weight or stops caring about how the look or smell, this can be a turn-off. Looks are very important to me. They always have been. However, if I care a lot about a person and I have gotten to know them looks are much less important to me. For example, I do not care for heavy men. I had a boyfriend out of high school that was heavy and I never slept with him. I just couldn’t. However, several years after my divorce I began a relationship with a heavier man and he was so wonderful to me and willing to explore Tantra and so amazingly giving in bed that his body become very attractive to me. He became very attractive to me. Our sexual relationship let me see beyond his physical appearance to his soul. Even a perceived lack of physical attraction is often a lack of emotional and intimate connection.

The question is can Tantra help with these issues? The answer is yes. It is one of the reasons I studied Tantra formally was to learn how to help couples increase a sense of connection, and intimacy and enjoy a happy sexual life together. images90GRIYH5So tomorrow folks how Tantra can help with a sexless marriage by bringing back connection and intimacy.