ED and Health.

In my job I hear a lot of problems and I also hear a lot of good happy things from people.  And I try to study and learn as much as I can.  I am not overly fond of the term lifetime learner as if that unusual or something to be patted on the back for, it’s not. If you are not learning every day new and correct information, you are then stuck in a rut of bad out dated information. I haven’t been working much or blogging for the simple fact on April 27th, I broke the T4 vertebrae in my back.  Not from thinning bones or an age related issue.  I fell.  I didn’t lose my balance I stepped onto an unsafe surface.  Since then I am been resting.  I also went in and had my vertebrae repaired to give me the best chance of having a healthy  spine. I have been taking extra supplements,  drinking 48 oz. of water a day, and sleeping about 16 hours a day.  My focus has been on getting healthy and strong. I have one thing going for me great genetics.  That is something none of us have control over. However we have control over what and how we eat, our exercise patterns, our overall activity, which has proven to be more important than exercise, our sexuality, and our state of mind.  We also have control over getting medical care and help when we need it and not to ignore signs of problems.

Which brings me to the point of my blog, ED.  Erectile Dysfunction.  I spent two days watching advertisement about differing products for erectile dysfunction.  At some point I did have to start drinking my favorite adult beverage, Crispin Natural Hard Cider.  I will say that I don’t find drinking adult beverages at odds with my Tantra path.  In moderation adult beverages provide crispinneeded anti-oxidants such as in wine and the very important relaxation response.  When you sit down for a glass of wine or beer or even a good cocktail, you body relaxes as it knows the beverage will make it feel good.  That is not a bad thing if you are moderate.  But you have to be moderate.  And if you can’t be moderate you should not drink.

What I learned from the ED commercials is there are a lot of desperate and misinformed people out there willing to buy snake oil and many doctors pushing Viagra or other pills.   Men seem to have limited knowledge of how their bodies work and the aging process. 

You can see from the  chart there is a spike at about 16 to 18 and an leveling off at 19.  Then there is quite a bit of difference in male levels of hormones. But after 30 all men lose about 1% of their testosterone with each year.  And obviously all men don’t have the same level of male hormones in their bodies.  On the flip side all women don’t have the same levels of female hormones.  I have very high estrogen this doesn’t make me more horny or womanly than women that have lower amounts.  Hormone levels have very little to do with behavior,  and male hormones have to be very low not to get an erection.  My son when he was two years old started getting erections from watching kissing on TV.   My observations are backed up with real scientific proof:   ” A 2012 study finds that the waning of testosterone levels in men is more likely a result of behavioral and health changes than by aging. “Declining testosterone levels are not an inevitable part of the aging process, as many people think,” said study co-author Gary Wittert, MD, professor of medicine at the University of Adelaide in Adelaide, Australia.”http://www.medicaldaily.com/male-sex-drive-mighty-testosterone-alone-responsible-libido-246793.  Low Testosterone was linked to poor health, obesity, lack of activity, lack of sexual activity, depression.   Age doesn’t translate to significantly lower levels of male hormones in healthy men.  Diabetes, and heart disease are strongly related to ED as are some medications. 

Dr Oz reports:

Here are the typical ranges for men:

  • Age: 20-40 testosterone level: 400-1,080

  • Age: 40-50 testosterone level: 350-890

  • Age: 50-60 testosterone level: 250-750

  • Age: 70 or above testosterone level: 250-650

Below is a chart from http://www.healthline.com/health/low-testosterone/testosterone-levels-by-age#Adolescence that shows normal levels of testosterone throughout the course of their lives.


Male Female
Age: T Level (ng/dL): Age: T Level (ng/dL):
0-5 months 75-400 0-5 months 20-80
6 mos.-9 yrs. <7-20 6 mos.-9 yrs. <7-20
10-11 yrs. <7-130 10-11 yrs. <7-44
12-13 yrs. <7-800 12-16 yrs. <7-75
14 yrs. <7-1,200 17-18 yrs. 20-75
15-16 yrs. 100-1,200 19+ yrs. 8-60
17-18 yrs. 300-1,200
19+ yrs. 240-950
Avg. Adult Male 270-1,070 Avg. Adult Female 15-70
30+ yrs. -1% per year

 We continue to grow  until we are 25 and then we begin the slow process of aging, which most of us do not notice until 29 and then just a bit and then it doesn’t really sink in until about  46, then it is hey my life could be half over.   This is when many men notice for the first time their erections are different. They have been getting different for a while.   I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but you can not expect the same erections you got a sixteen when you are in your late 30’s or 40’s.  It is not so much things have changed, but you haven’t noticed the natural aging process. I don’t have the breasts I did at 16.  I wish I did.  They were like a force for good in the universe.  With time they changed.  The penis changes with time and the things most boys/men learned at 16 don’t work at  37, 38, 42 or 48.  The same fantasy about the high school sweetheart fails to ignite the flames. The thought of sex doesn’t seems as interesting as the sport event on TV, you fear that sex with your girlfriend will make her feel that you are in a relationship so you avoid it.  Even masturbation doesn’t feel as good as it used to and often doesn’t produce strong orgasms    On one ED  commercial it said, “This doesn’t require any exercise or breathing or any weird stuff like that.”  No it requires you to pay 99.00 a month for an unproven, possibly unsafe supplement.  Breathing and Exercise are weird things.  I will get back to that.

The misinformation and just out and out lies the commercial used to sell a product of little to no value is frightening.   It began with the idea that the man’s wife would leave him if he wasn’t able to penetrate her ever night with a good strong erection.  And his wife needed sex every night because it was her way to cope with life’s stresses.  Let’s break this down.   

A-Sex isn’t just a penis going into a vagina and it is certainly not the only way to satisfy a woman or a man.  There is oral sex, manual simulation, toys, other parts of the body that are orgasmic.  Many women have orgasms from nipple play.  If the entire focus of sex is going to be on the man’s penis a great sex life is never going to happen, plus that is a lot of pressure for the man.   Also it made  me wonder if this guy telling his story is so shallow he won’t give his wife an orgasm any other way than his penis.  And the hard stats are only  25% of women orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. I can remember in high school or college that I reached down to stimulate my clitoris and the guy brushed my hand away and wouldn’t let me.   That guy was 22 years old and sort of misogynist. I would think most men aren’t like that.  Most men will do about anything to pleasure the woman and make sure she has an orgasm. Let’s be honest.  A man needs an erection so he can orgasm. There is not a thing wrong with that, nothing.  As a side note:  Older men might have slightly less firm erections, but they have stronger orgasms.   They are longer and they are stronger.  No one talks about that. Sexual activity for older men is often more enjoyable, relaxed, with the pay off of stronger full body orgasms. Of course that does mean you have to get an erection.  However, erections and orgasms from Viagra are terrible and that drug can damage your penis by pushing too much blood through the tiny valves of the many tiny capillaries that go to the penis.  It is a no win situation.

Green man

You might ask why the picture of the leafy man?  That is the Green Man from Celtic Nature Religions  He represents rebirth and growth.   Something we often do not connect with masculinity. One ritual for many tribes was around Beltane or the spring Equinox the leader of the tribe was expected to have sex in full view of the tribe with a virgin.  Many think it was the sacrifice of the woman’s virginity that was the scared part of the ritual. However, it wasn’t the taking of the girl’s virginity.  What the point was that the leader could perform sexually and that he was sound in his body and mind. It was understood that healthy men could get erections.   An erection signified good health and that was important in a leader.

Erections are a sign of good health.  If you are not having good erections have your health checked first.  It is often a sign of diabetes, or prostate problems or heart disease.  Then the second thing is emotional issues, too much drinking, and lack of a willing and well-matched partner and depression. ED will be common in sexless marriages, or marriages where the woman is very rejecting because that does happen. I lost my ability to have orgasms the last several years of my marriage and for about a year afterward.  Rubbing it harder, and looking at porn and flirting with relationships didn’t make it better.  What made it better was getting out of a dead marriage and learning about Tantra.  Guess what? learning to breath differently and to do exercises did work and has continued to work for me.  Making sure you are healthy with enough blood and oxygen going to your sex organs is important to maintaining erections  and good sexual functioning.  You might even say it is key.  Good health, exercise, intimacy (emotionally)  good mental health and productivity will keep up your male hormones.  Correct breathing and exercise for the lingam area will also protect ED.  The other cure will be discussed tomorrow, night




Men and Guilt and ED


One of the most baffling things to me is the experience of guilt.  If something is going to make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t do it.  On the other hand if you are going to do it, don’t feel guilty about it because guilt will not make anything  better.   In fact, I believe a lot of men like to feel guilty as proof they are a good person.  Man: “I feel bad so I must be a good boyfriend or husband or worker or father or son or whatever.” Feeling bad  about doing something that goes against your moral boundaries doesn’t make you a good person.  Feeling bad about your behaviors only builds up a lot of stress in the body, closes or blocks channels of energy, and when you get to be 60 or so or even 50 makes you more predisposed to ED if you are a man.  We will talk about women tomorrow as that is more related to pent up resentment.

However, back to guilt.  All those bad feeling collect.  The guilt, the self loathing, the bitterness collect in the root chakra or fire chakra and form a block of energy and the sexual energy is trapped and it manifests as ED.  The desire is there, the lust is there, but the ability to connect with the fire energy of the lingam has been blocked.  The lingam is not a separate part of the body.  It does not think for itself.  It is  intimately connected with the heart and the mind.   One reason men in particular have such vivid recollections of their teenage years and the girls or women, boys or men, that roused them to erections is that the channel between the fire chakra and air charka of the heart and the water chakra of the mind is open and the energy flows effortlessly.  And that person or image connects with the imagination and inspires feelings of lust or love or admiration. It is the fact all the senses are engaged and the flow of energy to the lingman and back up the central channel is free and open.

Certainly for some this is not true.  People that have come from a very strict religious backgrounds where self pleasuring or natural sexual expression is seen as bad and sinful can develop an early block; often not ever seeking out basic knowledge about sex and their own bodies or experimenting in relationships or in marriage. Then in the mid years it becomes apparent something elusive is missing, the experience of sex is not meaningful or loses its shine.  And erections and even orgasms are more difficult to achieve and when they are there is a muffled quality to them.  Then a man or a woman feels as if something is lost, or missed.  However rather than looking inward the gaze is always outwards. A different person will bring back those delicious feelings of newness and sexual ecstasy.  Different sexual positions or acts will bring more pleasure.  I really need to do this or need to do that to have sexual satisfaction and that does work to an extent, but leaves the person constantly chasing  the idea that something new will satisfy them or arouse them. Michael Parkes-www.kaifineart.com-6By constantly looking for something more or different is to miss out on the experience.  I have dated a lot and I have had sex with quite a few men and a question I have heard fairly consistently over the last decade is what do you like most, and then I give really good oral, or I like to do this to a woman.  As a woman I am not here to be any man’s fantasy or to have things done to me.  Our own bodies are the place to achieve pleasure to be able to include another is a gift but they are not an object to stimulate or to be used as toy for our own arousal.  Sex between people requires equal pleasure and consent.  And the goal should not be just an orgasm, but pleasure and sustained pleasure will always result in an orgasm.


To wrap this up, the reason everyone likes orgasms so much is that the boundaries of our mind and body dissolve and the energy of life and the universe flows freely through our bodies.  And in that time we have a feeling of oneness with our partner or the universe and if we are really lucky both.




#1 Sexual Problem

cat  The number 1 sexual problem for 97% of the people is frequency.  Either they complain they have to do it too much or they never have sex or they lack a sexual partner.  I am asked if Tantra is beneficial to single people and or those not having sex with their partners and I have to say yes it is. I became interested in Tantra through a partner and I would have loved to have had more time to explore with him, but it didn’t happen. However, I continued to learn about Tantra and yoga and mediation and while it is nice to have someone to walk with you on your spiritual path it is okay to do it alone.  And the same goes for sex.

One way I have learned to walk my solo my path is to bring more pleasure into my life in all areas.  I focus on only having things in my life that truly bring me joy and pleasure.  I use this philosophy in everything I do. I do not buy or eat food I do not enjoy.  I do not do exercises I hate.  I choose exercises I enjoy and bring me happiness. I like yoga so I do yoga.  I like hiking.  One of the things that makes me the happiest during the day is going to one of my hiking trails with my two young dogs and hiking.  I love to watch them.  They are so filled with joy and they are such beautiful creatures that just watching them makes me happy.   I look forward to that experience every day.  Much like I used to look forward to having sex with my husband every day when I was young.   If I had a husband now or a lover I would want to have sex everyday or some form of physical intimacy.  It would be a source of great conflict if he didn’t have the same level of sexual desire.  I hear that frustration with some of my clients and I understand it. It is an area that requires delicate communication skills and the ability to have compassion and empathy for the other person.

It has been my experience that most people men and women enjoy good sex.  When there is a lack of frequency it is usually because of conflict in the overall relationship, stress and overwork and being over tired or poor health.  I do know that it is not healthy for a relationship to be sexless or have very little sex because it breeds too much resentment.  A relationship has to find balance. Two people have to find a way to meet each others needs in a way that both people are happy and satisfied.   Tantra can help in improving sex itself, but also improving intimacy and connection through the practice of Tantra communication.  The core of Tantra communication is compassion and honesty. That goes back to compassion and honesty for ourselves.  The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we have with our self.  The relationship needs to be filled with compassion and honesty.  It is bad to lie to others it is worse to lie to yourself.  You can’t fix a problem you don’t acknowledge.  If I am unhappy and I refuse to acknowledge my own  unhappiness I can’t change it and I will continue to be unhappy.

Tantric communication can help with sexual frequency  in a relationship.  First, it has to be acknowledged as a problem, but in a loving and honest way.  One way is to simply state,  I love you and I need to express that by making love more frequently what can I do to help you want to make love more?

For those of us currently on a solo path or single, Tanta meditation and sexual self pleasuring practices  increase energy and make you more confident and attractive to sexual partners.  It really does.  Sexual confidence and knowledge are attractive traits.  images (17)

The Sexless Marriage and can Tantra help?

imagesZKM1BZFWI listen to people and I also do a lot of research through scientific peer reviewed journals. The funny thing is that the peer reviewed journals are about the same as what I hear from people. Studies are almost always done to validate what is already known. What is known is that Americans are in more and more sexless marriages. The current estimate is the 15% to 20% of marriages are completely sexless. It doesn’t seem like a huge amount but also factor in 50% of marriages are ending in divorce and that is a lot of unhappy sexless relationships. I find this dreadfully sad. Sex feels so good. Being touched and touching another feels better than anything in the world. People men and women need the comfort of touch. It brings balance and harmony to your life. If something is that good why do people stop having sex in a relationship?  The following is from articles I have read and also my own opinions and experiences.

Women—this is a concept I am not personally familiar with, but have come to accept as true. Women need to feel an emotional connection to their partner to be able to have sex with them. They want to feel loved and appreciated and heard. They also want to feel accepted for themselves. When women do not feel an emotional connection to their partner they do not feel desire for them either.

Men—want to feel desired and sexually vital. When they get rejected often by their partner they withdraw and cease to make an effort. It is no fun to be told no. Plus it is wounding.

The Cycle—women need to feel an emotional connection and intimacy or they will often reject sex after a man is rejected many times he withdraws and stops asking and the relationship can slowly slip into a sexless union.

There are also other factors:

Health—when one of the partners develops health issues and feels like having less sex or can’t. Diabetes is a major factor. For men it is more difficult to get an erection and they require more stimulation. For women they are more vulnerable to yeast infections and bladder infections from sex. Good hygiene, good lubrication and using the bathroom before and after sex and help eliminate bladder and yeast infections and being proactive with medications from your doctor. I am very up front with my doctor and about what I need when I am sexually active. Health is a factor, but with good communication the help of others it should not ruin sex and intimacy.

Lose of Attraction—when one or the other of the partners loses their looks it can cause a problem for the other partner. If one partner puts on a great deal of weight or stops caring about how the look or smell, this can be a turn-off. Looks are very important to me. They always have been. However, if I care a lot about a person and I have gotten to know them looks are much less important to me. For example, I do not care for heavy men. I had a boyfriend out of high school that was heavy and I never slept with him. I just couldn’t. However, several years after my divorce I began a relationship with a heavier man and he was so wonderful to me and willing to explore Tantra and so amazingly giving in bed that his body become very attractive to me. He became very attractive to me. Our sexual relationship let me see beyond his physical appearance to his soul. Even a perceived lack of physical attraction is often a lack of emotional and intimate connection.

The question is can Tantra help with these issues? The answer is yes. It is one of the reasons I studied Tantra formally was to learn how to help couples increase a sense of connection, and intimacy and enjoy a happy sexual life together. images90GRIYH5So tomorrow folks how Tantra can help with a sexless marriage by bringing back connection and intimacy.


Premature Ejaculation:


I common goal for men is to last longer. There are techniques that can help with this and I teach them. They include breath work, how to touch the lingam, and the pressure block and there are  many  esoteric practices for advanced Tantra.  They have to be practiced and change is not immediate. However they do work. But tonight I want to  talk about emotional issues in relationship to premature ejaculation and the lingam.

According to studies normal run of the mill intercourse is about 7 minutes long. It takes a woman 10 minute of intercourse to have an orgasm if she can have an orgasm vaginally. So obviously we have a 3 minute difference.   However, most considerate men make sure their partner has orgasmed before intercourse begins. If you partner has already orgasmed and you have engaged in a good amount of foreplay and it has been pleasurable then really how long you last is only as long as you want to. It is not a contest so a good guideline is what feels good to you.

The vast majority of woman that like the man like their penis also. Women don’t break up with a man because of their penis. However, women do not crave the lingam the way a man craves pussy. Most women don’t. They like having an orgasm, they like intercourse and the physical and emotional connection of intercourse and I think that is what men like also.   The key factor is communication.

Ask your partner, “Could you please tell me if you want us to have intercourse longer. I feel like I might not be satisfying you.” Right there you open up what is called Tantra Communication. You ask for what you want and you are lovingly open to the response. Then be open to the response. What you hear might surprise you.

Another option to help with premature ejaculation is get used to intense stimulation by self-pleasuring, increase intercourse, increase oral sex,imagesFM4NXXV4 and to truly let go and enjoy every sensation of the orgasm. Then when you are inside of the yoni be present and enjoy how it feels to be inside of your partner and to enjoy every bit of her. So in this case the problem is also the cure.