If you ever have had a random thought go through your head while making love or having sex, however it is defined, you aren’t fully in your body, but in your head and not present. I was almost the most shallow person on the planet as a young women. I can remember running my hands over a mans’ back and feeling a bump and I was horrified and then my mind just went into a tailspin of “Did I just touch a pimple, a mole, a scar, what the hell was that? And I think the thought process of sex is different in women than men. Women think during sex, and it is mostly not sexy thoughts. It is “get this over so I can put some laundry in, or I need to take out some hamburger from the freezer or I wonder if he is looking at how small my boobs are, or how big my boobs are, or how my left boob is bigger than my right boob, or the mole on my boob, or the lone hair on my nipple, or the third nipple I have on my right side and if he sees the third nipple will he think I am a witch?
The picture is of Narcissus, who became so caught up in his own image he fell in love with himself and couldn’t leave the pond. He ultimately died and was turned into the flower of the same name. That is how we are when we get caught up in our own thoughts and become less aware of what is happening in the present moment. The chances pleasure and joy are of actually lessened when we are trapped by our own thoughts.
That is how women’s minds work, they aren’t usually judging the man they are just allowing random thoughts to cruise around their heads. What that means is they aren’t in their bodies, the pleasure is secondary, the sex is happening to them not with them. I actually have always admired how men can just go after it as if the lingam blocks their thoughts. However, since I do get the opportunity to speak with men about their sex lives I have found they also have intrusive thoughts and quite a few men have difficulty achieving orgasm. Or if the man is asking for something constantly during sex it is a good indication that he is not completely enjoying what is happening in the present moment.
The quickest the easiest way to improve sex it is be present. Enjoy the feeling in the moment let the pleasure build and breathe and relax. Trust yourself to enjoy the pleasure of giving and receiving touch. I like to refer to it as sinking deep into the body. It is the time when you forget about the outside world, the bills, the mole or pimple or scar or whatever and enjoy how the body feels and tastes and looks and just enjoy it. Some will say easier said than done, but that is the complexity of being present in any activity. If you are washing a glass just wash the glass and be mindful of the glass washing. The same is true for sex. When you are having sex or making love, just have sex and be mindful of the sex and communicate with understanding and compassion and love. Easiest improvement to make.