I listen to people and I also do a lot of research through scientific peer reviewed journals. The funny thing is that the peer reviewed journals are about the same as what I hear from people. Studies are almost always done to validate what is already known. What is known is that Americans are in more and more sexless marriages. The current estimate is the 15% to 20% of marriages are completely sexless. It doesn’t seem like a huge amount but also factor in 50% of marriages are ending in divorce and that is a lot of unhappy sexless relationships. I find this dreadfully sad. Sex feels so good. Being touched and touching another feels better than anything in the world. People men and women need the comfort of touch. It brings balance and harmony to your life. If something is that good why do people stop having sex in a relationship? The following is from articles I have read and also my own opinions and experiences.
Women—this is a concept I am not personally familiar with, but have come to accept as true. Women need to feel an emotional connection to their partner to be able to have sex with them. They want to feel loved and appreciated and heard. They also want to feel accepted for themselves. When women do not feel an emotional connection to their partner they do not feel desire for them either.
Men—want to feel desired and sexually vital. When they get rejected often by their partner they withdraw and cease to make an effort. It is no fun to be told no. Plus it is wounding.
The Cycle—women need to feel an emotional connection and intimacy or they will often reject sex after a man is rejected many times he withdraws and stops asking and the relationship can slowly slip into a sexless union.
There are also other factors:
Health—when one of the partners develops health issues and feels like having less sex or can’t. Diabetes is a major factor. For men it is more difficult to get an erection and they require more stimulation. For women they are more vulnerable to yeast infections and bladder infections from sex. Good hygiene, good lubrication and using the bathroom before and after sex and help eliminate bladder and yeast infections and being proactive with medications from your doctor. I am very up front with my doctor and about what I need when I am sexually active. Health is a factor, but with good communication the help of others it should not ruin sex and intimacy.
Lose of Attraction—when one or the other of the partners loses their looks it can cause a problem for the other partner. If one partner puts on a great deal of weight or stops caring about how the look or smell, this can be a turn-off. Looks are very important to me. They always have been. However, if I care a lot about a person and I have gotten to know them looks are much less important to me. For example, I do not care for heavy men. I had a boyfriend out of high school that was heavy and I never slept with him. I just couldn’t. However, several years after my divorce I began a relationship with a heavier man and he was so wonderful to me and willing to explore Tantra and so amazingly giving in bed that his body become very attractive to me. He became very attractive to me. Our sexual relationship let me see beyond his physical appearance to his soul. Even a perceived lack of physical attraction is often a lack of emotional and intimate connection.
The question is can Tantra help with these issues? The answer is yes. It is one of the reasons I studied Tantra formally was to learn how to help couples increase a sense of connection, and intimacy and enjoy a happy sexual life together. So tomorrow folks how Tantra can help with a sexless marriage by bringing back connection and intimacy.