Universally, we all long to be touched. It is hardwired into our bodies that we long for touch. Some people require less and some require more, but we all require it. One of the aspects of touch is learning how to touch your partner and knowing how they liked to be touched and where. This requires one thing. Ask!!! That is it Ask!!! Women will respond to touch they don’t like by saying a variation of the following: don’t, not there, stop it or actually pulling away or pushing your hand away. Men just sort of suffer it out, but it still bothers them. Many times it isn’t that we don’t want to be touched, but the way we are being touched feels too rough to even too gentle. It is really about asking.
It is also learning some basics about touch. A touch should always feel confident to the receiver. Whether the touch is going to be gentle, rough or even a slap it should be done with confidence. There is nothing worse than to be on the other end of a half-hearted slap that doesn’t really contact right and feels sort of half-assed. Then there is the too gentle touch like I am going to break and it is just not about being too gentle but tentative. Then there is my least favorite type of touch, this one was perfected by my ex-husband, the grabbing, grasping, icky pawed at touch. I like being touched rough. I like being grabbed. It is exciting when it is part of the how that sex is playing out. However, when a person constantly grabs without any intention or confidence it is unnerving. It doesn’t spark desire it kills it. I often demonstrate touch to men on the chest. When the chest is massaged in a circular up and outward motion it is very pleasant. However, I then demonstrate a touch that is actually unpleasant and that is reaching over the chest and nipple area and dragging my fingers downward. No one has ever stated this feels good. And I do it to demonstrate an unpleasant or even bad way of touching someone. I ask first and then discuss it afterwards.
Another aspect of touch that I employ is to get myself in sync with the energy of the person receiving the touch, by breathing with them making eye contact talking a little to convey intention Then I actually do this and I know how it sounds, but I ask or pray that my touch conveys love and understanding. That is what I want to flow from me to any other person not only those that I work with, but my family, my friends, my partners, my dogs.